just ignore....
this is merely a back up page.
go to http://southwestmichiganwsjm.blogspot.com for the real thing.
Kthanxbye,
Drew
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Local Brew
As I mentioned yesterday, I took a little day trip over the weekend to see a film that was shot just a few miles from the town where I now live....
See, the state of Michigan recently enacted some pretty generous tax incentives for film and television production companies, and since then, we've been inundated with movie types, ranging from the likes of Steven Spielberg, all the way down to the folks who made the picture I'm about to discuss in today's entry.
Michigan's film incentives have REALLY WORKED -- we can actually SEE the proof of that everywhere we look in the state. Since around 2005, countless communities have enjoyed the prestige and economic benefits of having film crews set up shop for a few weeks to make their little (or, big) projects.
In fact, a Sean Penn movie was shot in my former town of Bad Axe (population: three thousand) just this past year, and it was, like, the BIGGEST THING EVER to happen in the area. One of my best pals, who still lives in Bad Axe, described to me the whole atmosphere in the community as that motion picture was produced, and it sounds to me as though the ordeal was positively electric. Local restaurants and hotels benefited from having a film crew in town, and tons of people got to enjoy the thrill of meeting honest to God movie stars, hanging out smoking cigarettes in front of Pete's Bar, or simply gassing up at the Sunoco station. These were all GOOD things...and the story could be applied to tons of towns and cities in Michigan lately....
So, OF COURSE, what does our new governor want to do??? -- Kill the film incentives, of course!
It figures. God forbid Michigan might actually follow through with something THAT'S WORKING. Brilliant work, fellas in charge....
(Yes, our governor often dresses like Megaman, for some reason.)
ANYway, today I have for you a movie that was a true treat for me to see. I drove up to the town of Saugatuck to check it out on Saturday. Called The Lake Effect, this lovely little dramatic comedy was produced mostly in a couple of Lake Michigan shoreline communities known as Covert and South Haven. It was made possible through the state's film incentives, and REALLY captured the essence of the locale in which it's set. I recommend this one highly.
The Lake Effect (2010)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1466068/
IMDB description (no Netflix available yet):
Rob Lawson's perpetual quest for success is interrupted when his estranged daughter shows up pregnant, challenging him to be a father before he becomes a grandfather.
I don't normally do this, but I might as well give you a little background info on what I do for a living. See, I'm, a reporter and, yes -- I found out about The Lake Effect through work. I got a press release one night from the movie's producer announcing its upcoming Michigan debut, and immediately thought, "Hot damn! Another locally produced motion picture...and this one seems SERIOUS!" I was all over that story within a matter of minutes.
I mean, I've written here on this blog a couple of times in the past about local movies -- about how I like to check them out, no matter what they are. Some are good, and some...well...not so much. But The Lake Effect seemed to be an entire different beast from the rest. The folks who made this bad boy are actually legitimate filmmakers (not just amateurs who dabble in the occasional making of a movie), coming from the City of Angels, and everything!
And...you know...I'm probably making a mistake by doing this, but here's a link to the story I wrote up on them. I think it describes the scenario behind the production of The Lake Effect fairly well, and why I was willing to drive 70-plus miles on my own dime to see it. Let's just all pretend that I haven't violated several rules of professionalism throughout the course of Who Wants Taters' 220 posts, and NOT get me in trouble through information gleaned through the posting of that link, shall we? :)
(However, I stand behind my allegation that he likes to dress like Megaman.)
OK, OK. Enough screwing around. Let's get to the point.
As already stated, I hightailed it up to Saugatuck on Saturday for a screening of The Lake Effect, and must say that the film exceeded all expectations.
I mean, producer Jennifer and director Tara seemed very nice and professional over the phone when I spoke to them and all, but upon seeing the trailer for their film, I developed some doubts. I wondered if their picture was going to be another disappointing, shot-on-high-school-AV-club-level equipment, with-low-grade-acting-to-match, sort of nonexistent-budget affair. I've run into so many of them over the years that I guess it was only natural for me to have concerns....
But, in this case, they were unfounded.
The Lake Effect is a beautifully-shot, lovingly-constructed, heartfelt, little motion picture. It oozes warmth, charm, wit, and humor, and keeps us engaged for the full 90 minutes. I really was quite satisfied with the experience, and look forward to the film's upcoming professional distribution. This is a movie that deserves some attention.
(DISCLAIMER: Roger Ebert has not reviewed this movie.)
OK, here's the story:
The Lake Effect is about a 40-50-ish year-old guy named Rob who hasn't seen his daughter in, oh, eight years or so. See, he's kind of too occupied with various business deals and such to devote any time to silly diversions like family and child rearing (hey, we can all relate, right?).
Anyway, Rob and his hottish, younger wife (Natalie) are preparing to spend a summer hanging out at his beach house along the shoreline of Lake Michigan when (you guessed it!) his teenage daughter (Celia) suddenly shows up, like, 97,000 months pregnant. Rob's all shocked and upset, but his little firecracker of a daughter isn't one to take crap from anyone, so she keeps his feeble attempts at discipline at bay pretty well throughout the film. Instead, they argue and bond; bond and argue. It's kind of a developing relationship....
Celia reminded me of Juno, only less annoying, and really, The Lake Effect boils down to the rebuilding of her relationship with Rob, as both of them mature and begin to accept their responsibilities to each other (well, maybe more so with Rob than Celia). Throw in Rob's own complicated marriage issues, and the eventual appearance of Celia's baby daddy (Jace), and we've got a recipe for some fairly compelling drama.
But The Lake Effect is, by no means, ALL serious. There's plenty of humor here -- smart, often-subtle jokes that rely on good timing and direction to work. More than anything, I was struck by how well such a clever script could be executed with so little in the way of resources. Tara Miele is OBVIOUSLY a talented writer, but the more I think about it, the more I'm impressed by her ability to pull this film off as a director, as well, given the circumstances under which it was shot. She REALLY captured the essence of this little corner of the world known as Southwest Michigan, and made the whole thing come across as very professional and natural and lovely. Good show.
Performances across the board exceed expectations. I was especially surprised by star Ross Partridge, as Rob, the kinda-sorta deadbeat dad. For a guy with so many flaws, he sure is likable. Heck, I'd even hang out with him (his character, I mean), and that's a pretty rare reaction for me to feel towards anyone, let alone a fictitious failed businessman. I also liked Celia, that little spark plug; and Rob's wife, Natalie, rounds out a cast of characters in need of some maturity with rock solid dependability.
The ONLY real complaints I might have about The Lake Effect are that it comes close to meandering about halfway through the third act, and the film's climax teeters on the edge of hokeyness. Then again, when all was said and done, I don't know how else it COULD have been handled. I walked out of the theater not regretting that I had spent 90 bucks on gas and restaurant expenses to see The Lake Effect, so I guess that right there tells you that whatever criticisms I could have mustered for the movie mattered not a whole lot in the end. It's a good movie, folks.
Check out The Lake Effect, if you get a chance. It really is a nice little story -- the kind of movie that needs to be encouraged. Sometimes, I get tired of the paint-by-the-numbers zombie flicks and stupid basement-kidnapping gorefests; I want to see more simple, DRAMATIC ultra-indie films. Stuff like what Hal Hartley would have once made. I bet HE'D like The Lake Effect.
I know I did.
Oh, and I'll keep you posted on when this baby shows up on Netflix....
4 out of 5.
b.
See, the state of Michigan recently enacted some pretty generous tax incentives for film and television production companies, and since then, we've been inundated with movie types, ranging from the likes of Steven Spielberg, all the way down to the folks who made the picture I'm about to discuss in today's entry.
Michigan's film incentives have REALLY WORKED -- we can actually SEE the proof of that everywhere we look in the state. Since around 2005, countless communities have enjoyed the prestige and economic benefits of having film crews set up shop for a few weeks to make their little (or, big) projects.
In fact, a Sean Penn movie was shot in my former town of Bad Axe (population: three thousand) just this past year, and it was, like, the BIGGEST THING EVER to happen in the area. One of my best pals, who still lives in Bad Axe, described to me the whole atmosphere in the community as that motion picture was produced, and it sounds to me as though the ordeal was positively electric. Local restaurants and hotels benefited from having a film crew in town, and tons of people got to enjoy the thrill of meeting honest to God movie stars, hanging out smoking cigarettes in front of Pete's Bar, or simply gassing up at the Sunoco station. These were all GOOD things...and the story could be applied to tons of towns and cities in Michigan lately....
So, OF COURSE, what does our new governor want to do??? -- Kill the film incentives, of course!
It figures. God forbid Michigan might actually follow through with something THAT'S WORKING. Brilliant work, fellas in charge....
(Yes, our governor often dresses like Megaman, for some reason.) ANYway, today I have for you a movie that was a true treat for me to see. I drove up to the town of Saugatuck to check it out on Saturday. Called The Lake Effect, this lovely little dramatic comedy was produced mostly in a couple of Lake Michigan shoreline communities known as Covert and South Haven. It was made possible through the state's film incentives, and REALLY captured the essence of the locale in which it's set. I recommend this one highly.
The Lake Effect (2010)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1466068/
IMDB description (no Netflix available yet):
Rob Lawson's perpetual quest for success is interrupted when his estranged daughter shows up pregnant, challenging him to be a father before he becomes a grandfather.
I don't normally do this, but I might as well give you a little background info on what I do for a living. See, I'm, a reporter and, yes -- I found out about The Lake Effect through work. I got a press release one night from the movie's producer announcing its upcoming Michigan debut, and immediately thought, "Hot damn! Another locally produced motion picture...and this one seems SERIOUS!" I was all over that story within a matter of minutes.
I mean, I've written here on this blog a couple of times in the past about local movies -- about how I like to check them out, no matter what they are. Some are good, and some...well...not so much. But The Lake Effect seemed to be an entire different beast from the rest. The folks who made this bad boy are actually legitimate filmmakers (not just amateurs who dabble in the occasional making of a movie), coming from the City of Angels, and everything!
And...you know...I'm probably making a mistake by doing this, but here's a link to the story I wrote up on them. I think it describes the scenario behind the production of The Lake Effect fairly well, and why I was willing to drive 70-plus miles on my own dime to see it. Let's just all pretend that I haven't violated several rules of professionalism throughout the course of Who Wants Taters' 220 posts, and NOT get me in trouble through information gleaned through the posting of that link, shall we? :)
(However, I stand behind my allegation that he likes to dress like Megaman.) OK, OK. Enough screwing around. Let's get to the point.
As already stated, I hightailed it up to Saugatuck on Saturday for a screening of The Lake Effect, and must say that the film exceeded all expectations.
I mean, producer Jennifer and director Tara seemed very nice and professional over the phone when I spoke to them and all, but upon seeing the trailer for their film, I developed some doubts. I wondered if their picture was going to be another disappointing, shot-on-high-school-AV-club-level equipment, with-low-grade-acting-to-match, sort of nonexistent-budget affair. I've run into so many of them over the years that I guess it was only natural for me to have concerns....
But, in this case, they were unfounded.
The Lake Effect is a beautifully-shot, lovingly-constructed, heartfelt, little motion picture. It oozes warmth, charm, wit, and humor, and keeps us engaged for the full 90 minutes. I really was quite satisfied with the experience, and look forward to the film's upcoming professional distribution. This is a movie that deserves some attention.
(DISCLAIMER: Roger Ebert has not reviewed this movie.)OK, here's the story:
The Lake Effect is about a 40-50-ish year-old guy named Rob who hasn't seen his daughter in, oh, eight years or so. See, he's kind of too occupied with various business deals and such to devote any time to silly diversions like family and child rearing (hey, we can all relate, right?).
Anyway, Rob and his hottish, younger wife (Natalie) are preparing to spend a summer hanging out at his beach house along the shoreline of Lake Michigan when (you guessed it!) his teenage daughter (Celia) suddenly shows up, like, 97,000 months pregnant. Rob's all shocked and upset, but his little firecracker of a daughter isn't one to take crap from anyone, so she keeps his feeble attempts at discipline at bay pretty well throughout the film. Instead, they argue and bond; bond and argue. It's kind of a developing relationship....
Celia reminded me of Juno, only less annoying, and really, The Lake Effect boils down to the rebuilding of her relationship with Rob, as both of them mature and begin to accept their responsibilities to each other (well, maybe more so with Rob than Celia). Throw in Rob's own complicated marriage issues, and the eventual appearance of Celia's baby daddy (Jace), and we've got a recipe for some fairly compelling drama.
But The Lake Effect is, by no means, ALL serious. There's plenty of humor here -- smart, often-subtle jokes that rely on good timing and direction to work. More than anything, I was struck by how well such a clever script could be executed with so little in the way of resources. Tara Miele is OBVIOUSLY a talented writer, but the more I think about it, the more I'm impressed by her ability to pull this film off as a director, as well, given the circumstances under which it was shot. She REALLY captured the essence of this little corner of the world known as Southwest Michigan, and made the whole thing come across as very professional and natural and lovely. Good show.
Performances across the board exceed expectations. I was especially surprised by star Ross Partridge, as Rob, the kinda-sorta deadbeat dad. For a guy with so many flaws, he sure is likable. Heck, I'd even hang out with him (his character, I mean), and that's a pretty rare reaction for me to feel towards anyone, let alone a fictitious failed businessman. I also liked Celia, that little spark plug; and Rob's wife, Natalie, rounds out a cast of characters in need of some maturity with rock solid dependability.
The ONLY real complaints I might have about The Lake Effect are that it comes close to meandering about halfway through the third act, and the film's climax teeters on the edge of hokeyness. Then again, when all was said and done, I don't know how else it COULD have been handled. I walked out of the theater not regretting that I had spent 90 bucks on gas and restaurant expenses to see The Lake Effect, so I guess that right there tells you that whatever criticisms I could have mustered for the movie mattered not a whole lot in the end. It's a good movie, folks.
Check out The Lake Effect, if you get a chance. It really is a nice little story -- the kind of movie that needs to be encouraged. Sometimes, I get tired of the paint-by-the-numbers zombie flicks and stupid basement-kidnapping gorefests; I want to see more simple, DRAMATIC ultra-indie films. Stuff like what Hal Hartley would have once made. I bet HE'D like The Lake Effect.
I know I did.
Oh, and I'll keep you posted on when this baby shows up on Netflix....
4 out of 5.
b.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
A Mystery
Not much of a point to this post, other than to put the word out there that I am currently attempting to solve a mystery....
See, here's the deal:
A couple weeks ago, I purchased a used copy of Henry Miller's Tropic of Capricorn from Amazon.com.
Well, the book arrived the other day, and the cover looks like THIS:
Fairly standard, if a bit worn. However, looking on the inside, I found THIS:
(Click to see the larger, high-res, image.)
Hmm. "I will NEVER forget the beach. Love, Amber."
Now I'm all intrigued. WHO is Amber, and TO WHOM did she write this message??? There are no other such markings to be found anywhere in the book, leaving me with little to go on.
But, STILL, the whole thing has me feeling rather sentimental. Did Amber REALLY never forget the beach, as she promised? What happened there, exactly??? And how is she doing these days, anyway???
This particular edition of Tropic of Capricorn purports to have been printed in 1987, so the message contained on the inside cover may literally be decades old. Could Amber be dead? Could the person she wrote this to be dead?? Would that explain how his (or her) copy of this most personal item wound up for sale at a used book shop with an Amazon account???
Perhaps I'll contact the seller to find out. I mean, I want Amber to get her book back, if it still means anything to her. Heck, I'll even pay the shipping cost myself...because that's the kind of soft-hearted guy I am.
Then again, maybe I prefer the mystery of it all, and don't really WANT to know the true story of Amber, her experience at the beach, or why she chose to mention it on the inside cover of a Henry Miller novel.
Hmmm.....
(Perhaps some mysteries are best left unsolved, Watson.)
ANYWAY, coming up tomorrow, I'll have a review of a lovely, locally-produced, film that I screened the other day in a town not far from where I currently reside. I got to meet the writer and director and producer and everything (well, for a few seconds, anyway). It's a drama, called The Lake Effect. I hope some of you folks read what I have to say, as I really enjoyed the movie, and I think some of us know how I feel about promoting Michigan's film industry.
In the meantime, I shall continue my search for the elusive Amber (or, maybe not)....
b.
See, here's the deal:
A couple weeks ago, I purchased a used copy of Henry Miller's Tropic of Capricorn from Amazon.com.
Well, the book arrived the other day, and the cover looks like THIS:
Fairly standard, if a bit worn. However, looking on the inside, I found THIS:
(Click to see the larger, high-res, image.)Hmm. "I will NEVER forget the beach. Love, Amber."
Now I'm all intrigued. WHO is Amber, and TO WHOM did she write this message??? There are no other such markings to be found anywhere in the book, leaving me with little to go on.
But, STILL, the whole thing has me feeling rather sentimental. Did Amber REALLY never forget the beach, as she promised? What happened there, exactly??? And how is she doing these days, anyway???
This particular edition of Tropic of Capricorn purports to have been printed in 1987, so the message contained on the inside cover may literally be decades old. Could Amber be dead? Could the person she wrote this to be dead?? Would that explain how his (or her) copy of this most personal item wound up for sale at a used book shop with an Amazon account???
Perhaps I'll contact the seller to find out. I mean, I want Amber to get her book back, if it still means anything to her. Heck, I'll even pay the shipping cost myself...because that's the kind of soft-hearted guy I am.
Then again, maybe I prefer the mystery of it all, and don't really WANT to know the true story of Amber, her experience at the beach, or why she chose to mention it on the inside cover of a Henry Miller novel.
Hmmm.....
(Perhaps some mysteries are best left unsolved, Watson.)ANYWAY, coming up tomorrow, I'll have a review of a lovely, locally-produced, film that I screened the other day in a town not far from where I currently reside. I got to meet the writer and director and producer and everything (well, for a few seconds, anyway). It's a drama, called The Lake Effect. I hope some of you folks read what I have to say, as I really enjoyed the movie, and I think some of us know how I feel about promoting Michigan's film industry.
In the meantime, I shall continue my search for the elusive Amber (or, maybe not)....
b.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Reality Show Pitch
For years, I've had a great idea for a reality TV show....
Check this out: it would be called Cannibal Island.
OK, here's the concept: We get a bunch of has-been celebrities, and convince them that they're going to be part of some Apprentice-like competition show. Heck, we could even LIE to them and say that it's actually going TO BE the Celebrity Apprentice....Who cares, right?
Whatever. Hey, maybe we'll hire, like, Pauly Shore, Paula Poundstone, David Hasslehoff, Martin Mull, Roseanne, Vicky Lawrence, Sinbad, Skee-Lo, and...um....(oh, why not?) Gary Busey. They'll all be promised great riches and untold publicity for participating in this reality TV extravaganza. Whatever we have to tell them to sign on, we WILL; it really doesn't matter.
(The cast of Cannibal Island.)
Anyway, here's the meat and potatoes of the whole concept:
We get all of our contestants on a plane, and tell them they're headed for some island paradise where they'll compete for some prize (or something), for some reason. Again, it simply doesn't matter....
BUT, while en route to their destination, tragedy arises (shocker)! Their plane experiences mechanical problems, and is forced to make an emergency landing on an uncharted island WAAAAY out in the pacific. The pilot, like a horrible and despicable coward, bails in a parachute as the aircraft descends toward said mystery island, and our heroes brace themselves to make a surprisingly soft crash landing there....
Now, keep in mind that this is all in the FIRST episode, so ALREADY, we've got some pretty compelling drama going on, folks!
ANYWAY, as the smoke and confusion clears, our celebrity contestants find that they've "crash landed" on a totally uninhabited island, with no food resources whatsoever. Instead (curiously), all they find is a lone building with a fully-functional kitchen, and a rather large cache of weaponry. I mean, we're talking knives, chainsaws, blunt objects, and even maybe a few firearms. Whatever it takes to increase the temptation level, really.
Not to mention, there are TONS of hidden cameras placed all throughout the island. Um, let's say...five thousand of them -- hidden in trees, rocks, and sand dunes, etc. So many hidden cameras and microphones that, in fact, even if our unfortunate celebrities somehow manage to locate a few of of them, there will be no way they could possibly catch EVERYTHING....
So, there they are -- a bunch of celebrities, feeling pretty frightened and hungry, and with NO food and a WHOLE LOT of weapons at their disposal.
Heh? HEEEH??? Wink, wink; nudge, nudge....
Anyway, maybe there'd be a period during which our heroes would hopelessly attempt to locate local nourishment sources on their own, but to no avail. See, this island will simply be altogether lacking in viable food resources. No coconuts; no palatable seafood; no local wildlife -- this will be a TOTALLY barren landscape, friends. NO food whatsoever.
WELL...I think we can all guess what is BOUND to happen after a certain amount of time....right?
Indeed, it only stands to reason that after a brief amount of time, with no sign of rescue apparent, our celebrity heroes would start to look at each other as potential sources of nourishment. Maybe it would be Roseanne who'd first get that bloodthirsty look in her eyes; or, maybe it'd be Busey....Heck, maybe it would actually be someone surprising, such as Vicky Lawrence (I've always sensed that look of darkness in her face, anyway)....Who knows? Hard to tell how an individual would behave in such a scenario.
***(Incidentally, I initially thought that Kirstie Alley would make a great contestant, but decided that SHE would likely resort to the dramatic decision of cannibalism a bit TOO soon, thereby detracting from the edge of drama of the Cannibal Island concept, as a whole. I mean, imagine -- a half hour after the initial plane crash, if Kirstie had already killed and eaten Pauly Shore. That would be somewhat disappointing and anti-climactic, wouldn't you agree???)***
Anyway, Cannibal Island would document the exploits of our intrepid celebrity heroes, as they battle the moral and existential quandaries of survival versus basic decency. WHO among them would resort to killing and eating fellow B-listers for the sake of living another day? WHO among them would opt to starve to death, rather than commit the ultimate taboo?? WHO among them would have what it takes to be the last one standing???
My money would be on Busey.
Either way, in the end, the last man (or, woman) alive would be rescued from the island by chopper, and rewarded with a trophy and a 25 dollar gift certificate to Shoney's. Sounds like a worthwhile effort for all involved, right???
Admittedly, I've got some legal technicalities to work out before I get this production off the ground...but ANYthing's possible in Hollywood, right?
So...WHO'S IN???
Anyway, here's yet another movie about a guy who kidnaps women, and holds them in an underground dungeon for reasons unknown. Enjoy moderately!
The Cellar Door (2007)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0878657/
Netflix description:
Having developed an uncontrollable obsession with the beautiful young Rudy (Michelle Tomlinson), crazed serial killer Herman (James DuMont) kidnaps her and locks her in a cage in his basement. The only way for Rudy to survive this nightmare is to outsmart her psychopathic tormentor. But Herman has experience on his side: He's entrapped and tortured other women before, playing sick and twisted mind games with his frightened victims.
OK, these guys-kidnapping-women-and-holding-them-captive-underground-just-for-thrills flicks are becoming all-too common. I'm frankly kind of tired of them....
I mean, REALLY -- how many dudes are we to believe feel a need to construct a holding cell in their parents' basements, just to torment random young ladies??? This kind of thing is pretty rare in REAL life, as far as I can tell (as opposed to zombie apocalypse scenarios). These lonely chaps should really look into investing in blow-up dolls, instead. They put up much less of a struggle, and almost NEVER complain, no matter what you do to them!
(Let's leave my sweet honey, Gwendelynn the Drew-Pleaser, OUT of today's discussion, OK???)
Anyway, in The Cellar Door, we have a dude named Herman who finds some random woman called Rudy who strikes his fancy, and...well...he locks her in a cage down in the basement, for some reason.
No sexual assault take place here; no overt violence to speak of, either....He just wants to LOOK at this chick, I guess.
Of course, this young lady fails to enjoy Herman's little experiment, and promptly sets about the task of finding a way to escape. WILL she be successful???
Yeah, she DOES figure out a method of escape (SPOILERS!!!)...and we cheer for her. Yada, yada, yada.
Poor girl. I really did feel sorry for the victim in this interesting, if unoriginal, torture porn exercise, for once. She seems smart, nice, and totally undeserving of the humiliation to which Herman subjects her. Actually, the whole scenario through which this story plays out makes us root for the victim in a way that such movies usually fail to elicit. Herman, my friends, really IS a sick bastard....
And it's excellent acting that sets The Cellar Door apart from other films with the same general premise (and, lately, there have been a WHOLE LOT of them). I kind of sympathized with our antagonist (way more than with, say, Otis), but still REALLY pulled for his victim.
Honestly, why have there been so many movies in recent years about guys kidnapping young women and holding them captive in underground dungeons? There's been FAR too many of them, and they're starting to blend together in my mind. The old zombie-style over saturation is now afflicting this genre, as well, and I don't like it. As a rule, these flicks don't really impress me.
Then again, The Cellar Door really is, admittedly, of a higher quality than most other motion pictures of its ilk, so I GUESS I'd recommend it (if begrudgingly). This here is a disturbing, occasionally scary, little exercise in kidnappy darkness.
The Cellar Door only stands out because it's exceptionally well-acted, and manages to convey just about everything that the old torture-porn craze could really have to offer WITHOUT going too far. If you're in the market for something along these lines, then I say go with this one.
Skip all others like it, and give The Cellar Door a whirl. You won't find a better guy kidnaps chick and holds her captive in basement dungeon picture, as far as I can tell. I'll give it a (very) generous...
3 out of 5.
b.
Check this out: it would be called Cannibal Island.
OK, here's the concept: We get a bunch of has-been celebrities, and convince them that they're going to be part of some Apprentice-like competition show. Heck, we could even LIE to them and say that it's actually going TO BE the Celebrity Apprentice....Who cares, right?
Whatever. Hey, maybe we'll hire, like, Pauly Shore, Paula Poundstone, David Hasslehoff, Martin Mull, Roseanne, Vicky Lawrence, Sinbad, Skee-Lo, and...um....(oh, why not?) Gary Busey. They'll all be promised great riches and untold publicity for participating in this reality TV extravaganza. Whatever we have to tell them to sign on, we WILL; it really doesn't matter.
(The cast of Cannibal Island.)Anyway, here's the meat and potatoes of the whole concept:
We get all of our contestants on a plane, and tell them they're headed for some island paradise where they'll compete for some prize (or something), for some reason. Again, it simply doesn't matter....
BUT, while en route to their destination, tragedy arises (shocker)! Their plane experiences mechanical problems, and is forced to make an emergency landing on an uncharted island WAAAAY out in the pacific. The pilot, like a horrible and despicable coward, bails in a parachute as the aircraft descends toward said mystery island, and our heroes brace themselves to make a surprisingly soft crash landing there....
Now, keep in mind that this is all in the FIRST episode, so ALREADY, we've got some pretty compelling drama going on, folks!
ANYWAY, as the smoke and confusion clears, our celebrity contestants find that they've "crash landed" on a totally uninhabited island, with no food resources whatsoever. Instead (curiously), all they find is a lone building with a fully-functional kitchen, and a rather large cache of weaponry. I mean, we're talking knives, chainsaws, blunt objects, and even maybe a few firearms. Whatever it takes to increase the temptation level, really.
Not to mention, there are TONS of hidden cameras placed all throughout the island. Um, let's say...five thousand of them -- hidden in trees, rocks, and sand dunes, etc. So many hidden cameras and microphones that, in fact, even if our unfortunate celebrities somehow manage to locate a few of of them, there will be no way they could possibly catch EVERYTHING....
So, there they are -- a bunch of celebrities, feeling pretty frightened and hungry, and with NO food and a WHOLE LOT of weapons at their disposal.
Heh? HEEEH??? Wink, wink; nudge, nudge....
Anyway, maybe there'd be a period during which our heroes would hopelessly attempt to locate local nourishment sources on their own, but to no avail. See, this island will simply be altogether lacking in viable food resources. No coconuts; no palatable seafood; no local wildlife -- this will be a TOTALLY barren landscape, friends. NO food whatsoever.
WELL...I think we can all guess what is BOUND to happen after a certain amount of time....right?
Indeed, it only stands to reason that after a brief amount of time, with no sign of rescue apparent, our celebrity heroes would start to look at each other as potential sources of nourishment. Maybe it would be Roseanne who'd first get that bloodthirsty look in her eyes; or, maybe it'd be Busey....Heck, maybe it would actually be someone surprising, such as Vicky Lawrence (I've always sensed that look of darkness in her face, anyway)....Who knows? Hard to tell how an individual would behave in such a scenario.
***(Incidentally, I initially thought that Kirstie Alley would make a great contestant, but decided that SHE would likely resort to the dramatic decision of cannibalism a bit TOO soon, thereby detracting from the edge of drama of the Cannibal Island concept, as a whole. I mean, imagine -- a half hour after the initial plane crash, if Kirstie had already killed and eaten Pauly Shore. That would be somewhat disappointing and anti-climactic, wouldn't you agree???)***
Anyway, Cannibal Island would document the exploits of our intrepid celebrity heroes, as they battle the moral and existential quandaries of survival versus basic decency. WHO among them would resort to killing and eating fellow B-listers for the sake of living another day? WHO among them would opt to starve to death, rather than commit the ultimate taboo?? WHO among them would have what it takes to be the last one standing???
My money would be on Busey.
Either way, in the end, the last man (or, woman) alive would be rescued from the island by chopper, and rewarded with a trophy and a 25 dollar gift certificate to Shoney's. Sounds like a worthwhile effort for all involved, right???
Admittedly, I've got some legal technicalities to work out before I get this production off the ground...but ANYthing's possible in Hollywood, right?
So...WHO'S IN???
Anyway, here's yet another movie about a guy who kidnaps women, and holds them in an underground dungeon for reasons unknown. Enjoy moderately!
The Cellar Door (2007)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0878657/
Netflix description:
Having developed an uncontrollable obsession with the beautiful young Rudy (Michelle Tomlinson), crazed serial killer Herman (James DuMont) kidnaps her and locks her in a cage in his basement. The only way for Rudy to survive this nightmare is to outsmart her psychopathic tormentor. But Herman has experience on his side: He's entrapped and tortured other women before, playing sick and twisted mind games with his frightened victims.
OK, these guys-kidnapping-women-and-holding-them-captive-underground-just-for-thrills flicks are becoming all-too common. I'm frankly kind of tired of them....
I mean, REALLY -- how many dudes are we to believe feel a need to construct a holding cell in their parents' basements, just to torment random young ladies??? This kind of thing is pretty rare in REAL life, as far as I can tell (as opposed to zombie apocalypse scenarios). These lonely chaps should really look into investing in blow-up dolls, instead. They put up much less of a struggle, and almost NEVER complain, no matter what you do to them!
(Let's leave my sweet honey, Gwendelynn the Drew-Pleaser, OUT of today's discussion, OK???)Anyway, in The Cellar Door, we have a dude named Herman who finds some random woman called Rudy who strikes his fancy, and...well...he locks her in a cage down in the basement, for some reason.
No sexual assault take place here; no overt violence to speak of, either....He just wants to LOOK at this chick, I guess.
Of course, this young lady fails to enjoy Herman's little experiment, and promptly sets about the task of finding a way to escape. WILL she be successful???
Yeah, she DOES figure out a method of escape (SPOILERS!!!)...and we cheer for her. Yada, yada, yada.
Poor girl. I really did feel sorry for the victim in this interesting, if unoriginal, torture porn exercise, for once. She seems smart, nice, and totally undeserving of the humiliation to which Herman subjects her. Actually, the whole scenario through which this story plays out makes us root for the victim in a way that such movies usually fail to elicit. Herman, my friends, really IS a sick bastard....
And it's excellent acting that sets The Cellar Door apart from other films with the same general premise (and, lately, there have been a WHOLE LOT of them). I kind of sympathized with our antagonist (way more than with, say, Otis), but still REALLY pulled for his victim.
Honestly, why have there been so many movies in recent years about guys kidnapping young women and holding them captive in underground dungeons? There's been FAR too many of them, and they're starting to blend together in my mind. The old zombie-style over saturation is now afflicting this genre, as well, and I don't like it. As a rule, these flicks don't really impress me.
Then again, The Cellar Door really is, admittedly, of a higher quality than most other motion pictures of its ilk, so I GUESS I'd recommend it (if begrudgingly). This here is a disturbing, occasionally scary, little exercise in kidnappy darkness.
The Cellar Door only stands out because it's exceptionally well-acted, and manages to convey just about everything that the old torture-porn craze could really have to offer WITHOUT going too far. If you're in the market for something along these lines, then I say go with this one.
Skip all others like it, and give The Cellar Door a whirl. You won't find a better guy kidnaps chick and holds her captive in basement dungeon picture, as far as I can tell. I'll give it a (very) generous...
3 out of 5.
b.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Yummy
Hey, I don't usually write about music, but today, I'd like to commend one of my very favorite bands, Cake....
In fact, I'd say that they're the best still-together group around. All of the bands from the heyday of my youth have either broken up, lost their mojo, or died...but not the Cake. They're still keepin' on, rockin' on.
I mean, Kurt Cobain killed himself; Billy Corgan started to suck; the Stone Temple Pilots became parodies of themselves....Yet, Cake is just as great as ever.
I first got into Cake during my senior year of high school. I heard the band's first hit, "The Distance", one fine summer day while cruising around in my 1988 Dodge Caravan with my friend, Wayne (mentioned in another, very recent, post). It was 88.7 FM, 89X's New Rock Alternative nightly countdown, and Cake's little song was the latest entry, entering at number nine or something. Wayne was like, "DUUUUUDE. Turn it up -- it's CAKE!"
I thought, "Whatever. Another stupid, new band that probably raps over heavy metal. Blegh."
But, boy did I end up being wrong, finding myself to thoroughly dig that tune. The almost classic-sounding guitar...the guy talking about car racing...the spot-on drumming....Here was a group that was original; it was offbeat; it seemed witty! I bought the cassette of the band's Fashion Nugget a few days later, and spent the next 47 nights driving around in circles around the northern suburban Detroit listening to all tracks over and over again.
(One of the best albums of all-time.)
Man, you can't characterize or rip off a band like Cake. It's got a friggin' TRUMPET PLAYER, for goodness sake!
Witty, original lyrics, and an overall attitude that simply has not been the domain of any rock outfit I've encountered since. Cake is a band that defies all explanation. I loved them; I have loved everything they've done since then. I would hang out with them, and offer to carry around their equipment in exchange for one moment of enlightenment from front man John McCrea.
So, I know it's a bit late, but Cake recently released their sixth album, Showroom of Compassion. YEARS in the making, this record is among the band's best. "Got to Move" is my favorite tune on the whole thing -- it's poignant and emotionally true; something to which I feel I can genuinely relate. A song my (now) ex-wife could probably have sung about me, in her own little world. It's beautiful, if misguided. How lovely; it's brought tears to me eyes on more than once occasion....
And the album's hit, Sick of You could be an anthem for MY feelings, in regards to the same problems mentioned above, at around the same time. So solid, so perfectly crafted....What a great composition.
(Look -- guys in bunny suits, standing around burning strip malls. That's DEEP, man!)
See, MOST rock bands lose their magic after four albums or so....but not Cake. No -- these guys are as interesting as ever. I can't recommend Showroom of Compassion enough.
And, get this -- the album debuted at NUMBER ONE on the Billboard charts upon its release. Can you believe that? I NEVER, in a million years, would I have thought CAKE would have a number one album.
But it was a dubious distinction. See, Cake may have debuted at NUMBER ONE, but Showroom of Compassion still broke the record for the FEWEST number of copies sold to still occupy the number one position -- about 40 thousand. Awesome. You rule, Cake! You broke number one, and still had the lowest sales record of any album to achieve that distinction. That SAYS something....
It says something about how God-awful music is today; it says something about how the album people will buy MOST on a particular week will still have sales that fall far below the norm of previous years. REAL music fans are in hiding; folks like me only venture out into the wilds of CD stores when something of substance comes around (like Cake)...and our numbers still only add up to around 40,000 or so.
Fine. Screw society at large. Those people are idiots. Us folks of GOOD TASTE will wallow in our Cake CDs while the world rots. The rest of you fine individuals may happily go pick up to whatever silly garbage is topping the I-Tunes charts this week. I'm sure it's FANTASTIC, and full of deep meaning that will enrich your lives forever and ever.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to listen to "Easy to Crash" for the 847,000th time....
And, speaking of delicious things like Cake, here's a movie for you:
Hunger (2009)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1176252/
Netflix dresciption:
Five strangers awake in an underground dungeon and discover that they've been kidnapped as part of a terrible experiment. A sadistic scientist wants to answer a simple question: What are they willing to do to survive after weeks without food? As the days go by and their hunger becomes unbearable, the captives struggle to retain their humanity. Lori Heuring, Joe Egender and Lea Kohl star in this dark examination of mankind's lowest instincts.
This here is a movie about a psychopath who kidnaps a bunch of seemingly-random people, and locks them up in an underground dungeon with no food, and a bunch of weapons. Can you guess what he's HOPING will happen???
Yeah, our mysterious madman is banking on the notion that his captors will...you know...EAT each other. WILL they do so???
Hey, this is a sick horror flick....OF COURSE, they will!
Hunger is about as simple as it gets, which is why this review will be so short. I mean, what is there to say, really? A group of six or seven people have some blunt instruments, a scalpel, and NO FOOD, as they watch a clock tick that SEEMS to suggest when they'll be released from their subterranean prison in...oh, about a month or so. It's a race against time here; SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, folks.
Sure enough, our heroes split into two camps: those who ARE willing to kill and eat other people to survive, and those who are not. The psychopath who is keeping them in this prison (and watching their every move via a closed circuit camera system) sure does love the drama!
But, are WE interested in watching people eat each other???
Meh, kinda. I mean, Hunger is well-acted, and features some fairly compelling ideas. However, at the end of the day, it's just kind of an uninspired film. A Saw rip-off, if I ever did see one....
There is, indeed, a Final Girl who manages to escape in the end (woops -- did I say, SPOILERS???), but we frankly don't care about her all that much. And the OTHER characters (that is, the ones who, like, try to EAT HER) aren't exactly compelling, either. Sadly, Hunger is just kind of paint-by-the-numbers.
It's well-made and slick enough, but not particularly compelling. Actually, what I REALLY wanted to know was more about the motivations of our psycho killer, the guy who is keeping all of these folks in his little dungeon. Sure, we delve a LITTLE BIT into his psyche; but not nearly enough. WHO IS this man??? Inquiring minds want to know....
But, in the end, Hunger is just BARELY crosses the line into fairly interesting territory. Is it original? -- No. Is it interesting?? -- Mmmm, slightly. Is it scary??? Only a little.
Watch only if you're into the whole Fangoria thing. Otherwise, this one is overall quite ho-hum. It definitely will HARDLY blow your mind....
3 out of 5.
b.
In fact, I'd say that they're the best still-together group around. All of the bands from the heyday of my youth have either broken up, lost their mojo, or died...but not the Cake. They're still keepin' on, rockin' on.
I mean, Kurt Cobain killed himself; Billy Corgan started to suck; the Stone Temple Pilots became parodies of themselves....Yet, Cake is just as great as ever.
I first got into Cake during my senior year of high school. I heard the band's first hit, "The Distance", one fine summer day while cruising around in my 1988 Dodge Caravan with my friend, Wayne (mentioned in another, very recent, post). It was 88.7 FM, 89X's New Rock Alternative nightly countdown, and Cake's little song was the latest entry, entering at number nine or something. Wayne was like, "DUUUUUDE. Turn it up -- it's CAKE!"
I thought, "Whatever. Another stupid, new band that probably raps over heavy metal. Blegh."
But, boy did I end up being wrong, finding myself to thoroughly dig that tune. The almost classic-sounding guitar...the guy talking about car racing...the spot-on drumming....Here was a group that was original; it was offbeat; it seemed witty! I bought the cassette of the band's Fashion Nugget a few days later, and spent the next 47 nights driving around in circles around the northern suburban Detroit listening to all tracks over and over again.
(One of the best albums of all-time.)Man, you can't characterize or rip off a band like Cake. It's got a friggin' TRUMPET PLAYER, for goodness sake!
Witty, original lyrics, and an overall attitude that simply has not been the domain of any rock outfit I've encountered since. Cake is a band that defies all explanation. I loved them; I have loved everything they've done since then. I would hang out with them, and offer to carry around their equipment in exchange for one moment of enlightenment from front man John McCrea.
So, I know it's a bit late, but Cake recently released their sixth album, Showroom of Compassion. YEARS in the making, this record is among the band's best. "Got to Move" is my favorite tune on the whole thing -- it's poignant and emotionally true; something to which I feel I can genuinely relate. A song my (now) ex-wife could probably have sung about me, in her own little world. It's beautiful, if misguided. How lovely; it's brought tears to me eyes on more than once occasion....
And the album's hit, Sick of You could be an anthem for MY feelings, in regards to the same problems mentioned above, at around the same time. So solid, so perfectly crafted....What a great composition.
(Look -- guys in bunny suits, standing around burning strip malls. That's DEEP, man!)See, MOST rock bands lose their magic after four albums or so....but not Cake. No -- these guys are as interesting as ever. I can't recommend Showroom of Compassion enough.
And, get this -- the album debuted at NUMBER ONE on the Billboard charts upon its release. Can you believe that? I NEVER, in a million years, would I have thought CAKE would have a number one album.
But it was a dubious distinction. See, Cake may have debuted at NUMBER ONE, but Showroom of Compassion still broke the record for the FEWEST number of copies sold to still occupy the number one position -- about 40 thousand. Awesome. You rule, Cake! You broke number one, and still had the lowest sales record of any album to achieve that distinction. That SAYS something....
It says something about how God-awful music is today; it says something about how the album people will buy MOST on a particular week will still have sales that fall far below the norm of previous years. REAL music fans are in hiding; folks like me only venture out into the wilds of CD stores when something of substance comes around (like Cake)...and our numbers still only add up to around 40,000 or so.
Fine. Screw society at large. Those people are idiots. Us folks of GOOD TASTE will wallow in our Cake CDs while the world rots. The rest of you fine individuals may happily go pick up to whatever silly garbage is topping the I-Tunes charts this week. I'm sure it's FANTASTIC, and full of deep meaning that will enrich your lives forever and ever.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to listen to "Easy to Crash" for the 847,000th time....
And, speaking of delicious things like Cake, here's a movie for you:
Hunger (2009)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1176252/
Netflix dresciption:
Five strangers awake in an underground dungeon and discover that they've been kidnapped as part of a terrible experiment. A sadistic scientist wants to answer a simple question: What are they willing to do to survive after weeks without food? As the days go by and their hunger becomes unbearable, the captives struggle to retain their humanity. Lori Heuring, Joe Egender and Lea Kohl star in this dark examination of mankind's lowest instincts.
This here is a movie about a psychopath who kidnaps a bunch of seemingly-random people, and locks them up in an underground dungeon with no food, and a bunch of weapons. Can you guess what he's HOPING will happen???
Yeah, our mysterious madman is banking on the notion that his captors will...you know...EAT each other. WILL they do so???
Hey, this is a sick horror flick....OF COURSE, they will!
Hunger is about as simple as it gets, which is why this review will be so short. I mean, what is there to say, really? A group of six or seven people have some blunt instruments, a scalpel, and NO FOOD, as they watch a clock tick that SEEMS to suggest when they'll be released from their subterranean prison in...oh, about a month or so. It's a race against time here; SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, folks.
Sure enough, our heroes split into two camps: those who ARE willing to kill and eat other people to survive, and those who are not. The psychopath who is keeping them in this prison (and watching their every move via a closed circuit camera system) sure does love the drama!
But, are WE interested in watching people eat each other???
Meh, kinda. I mean, Hunger is well-acted, and features some fairly compelling ideas. However, at the end of the day, it's just kind of an uninspired film. A Saw rip-off, if I ever did see one....
There is, indeed, a Final Girl who manages to escape in the end (woops -- did I say, SPOILERS???), but we frankly don't care about her all that much. And the OTHER characters (that is, the ones who, like, try to EAT HER) aren't exactly compelling, either. Sadly, Hunger is just kind of paint-by-the-numbers.
It's well-made and slick enough, but not particularly compelling. Actually, what I REALLY wanted to know was more about the motivations of our psycho killer, the guy who is keeping all of these folks in his little dungeon. Sure, we delve a LITTLE BIT into his psyche; but not nearly enough. WHO IS this man??? Inquiring minds want to know....
But, in the end, Hunger is just BARELY crosses the line into fairly interesting territory. Is it original? -- No. Is it interesting?? -- Mmmm, slightly. Is it scary??? Only a little.
Watch only if you're into the whole Fangoria thing. Otherwise, this one is overall quite ho-hum. It definitely will HARDLY blow your mind....
3 out of 5.
b.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Book Versus Movie
So, when I was about 16, my friend Wayne obtained a VHS copy of a film called S.F.W.....
It was a cynical, profane, and nihilistic attempt to cash in on depressed, white trash teenagers with bad attitudes. We totally loved it.
See, S.F.W. is the story of a stoner guy who gets taken hostage in a convenience store by a group of extremists with a plan to record his actions on a camcorder and broadcast them uncensored on television every day. Our hero is the ultimate smart ass/bad ass, and his vulgar antics and anarchistic rantings quickly propel him to flat out superstardom.
The movie made my friend and I feel better about ourselves, and actually indulge in the illusion of hope, because it presented a scenario in which even a total loser could find fame and fortune, simply by being himself. We never really talked about it that way, but I'm sure that's what drew us both to this motion picture -- it could ALMOST cause a member of the unwashed, downtrodden, trailer park-dwelling masses to fantasize about glory. At that moment in our lives, we both felt destined to spend the next few decades withering in obscurity, poverty, and despair; SFW appealed to us because it played on our misery by both mocking, and nurturing, it.
And our very favorite part of the whole thing was actually a random, three second bit in which the film's hero finally breaks free from his captors. See, here's what inspires him to fight back for the first (and only) time:
He runs out of beer.
Yeah, that's it.
The VERY SECOND our hero realizes that he's out of beer, he jumps up and kills all of the terrorists to get the heck out of there. No moment of hesitation, either -- the dude looks down at his last empty twelve pack and springs into action, lunging at the nearest gunman. Within minutes, they're all dead, and he walks out of there with a scowl on his face, determined to find more brews and (probably) more bud.
Funny, to be sure...and STILL the best moment in the entire movie.
But, what about the rest of it? Does the 32 year-old Andrew Terry Bartholomew Xavier Thadeus Green (Esquire the Third) find SFW as compelling and stimulating as the 16 year old version of him did???
Well, I'll tell you in a minute. But, FIRST...
I learned recently that SFW the MOVIE is actually based off a NOVEL, written by a chap named Andrew Wellman. Apparently, Wellman was, like, 22 years old when he penned this book, and upon its publication, he became (briefly) something of a "hot shot, young new voice of an entire generation" sort of phenom, or whatever. Heck, they probably even did a profile of him in Rolling Stone.
Needless to say, the dude has all but disappeared since then. Still, I recently purchased a copy of his novel, so that I might compare it to the cinematic version.
Lemme tell you -- the book is a real treat for a guy like me, who grew up in suburban Detroit, because it takes place there and Wellman includes TONS of details about D-Town living that only insiders like myself would comprehend. There are countless Detroit shout outs in SFW the book, which is not so much the case with the movie. I like that.
Plus, the book goes deeper into the psyche of our hero, and makes him far more believable than his celluloid counterpart. You know, there's a very specific class of people depicted in Wellman's SFW: the not-quite-blue-collar, white trash, burned out, given-up-on-life (or, maybe never had a go at it in the first place) northern suburban Detroit resident. And he represents them well. I know because I UNDERSTAND these people; I get their mindset.
In fact, I used to BE one of them, but luckily changed course in my late teens before it was too late (and so, incidentally, did my previously-mentioned pal, Wayne, in case you were wondering). I mean, I'm still dirt poor with few prospects in life...but at least my attitude is different. I'm glad it is, even though that fact won't mean much for me when all is said and done, anyway.
And I'm also glad "this particular class of people" is examined in Wellman's SFW. He was a promising writer and, unfortunately, the point of his novel is almost totally lost in its film adaptation.
Let's take a look.
S.F.W. (1994)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111048/
Netflix description:
When Gen-Xer Cliff Spab (Stephen Dorff) enters a suburban convenience store to buy some beer, he ends up with more than just a 6-pack -- he's taken hostage by terrorists! But with a gun to his head and national television capturing Spab's nihilistic attitude, people not only begin listening to the disgruntled youth … they create a cult out of him. Also stars Joey Lauren Adams, Jake Busey, John Roarke and Reese Witherspoon.
Well, you may have surmised that I feel SFW the movie is not as good as the book. Nice work, Sherlock.
But is the movie good, despite that?
Meh, not really. Watching SFW NOW, at 32 and with a much better eye for film quality than I had at 16, I can see that SFW is a weak, very HOLLYWOOD, attempt to appeal to Gen Xers -- kind of like the terrible Reality Bites and Singles, which were made around the same time.
This movie endeavors to create the illusion that it has a profound point about modern materialism by shoving a foul-mouthed, apathetic rebel in our faces; but it frankly doesn't have much substance once you get past that initial novelty. It's thin and weak.
As indicated, SFW is about a guy named Cliff Spab (Stephen Dorff), who gets taken hostage in a convenience store by terrorists who broadcast his antics on TV every night. Now, what I didn't mention before is that Cliff is not alone -- his best friend Joe and a pretty blond named Wendy (Reese Witherspoon) are also in there with him.
After 30-something days in captivity, Cliff and Joe finally fight back against the terrorists, and Joe is, sadly, killed in the struggle. Cliff and Wendy alone must emerge from the confines of their Seven Eleven prison to face a world now gone mad with Spab Fever. Yeah -- seems that Spab, for as negative and cynical as he is, has entranced the entire nation during his nightly news broadcasts over the past month or so. Everyone wants a piece of him; he's a media sensation!
At first, Spab recoils in the face of this madness. He hides; lashes out; resents the bizarre attention he's receiving, made all the worse by the fact that his best friend has just been killed and no one seems to care.
But, soon enough, Spab decides to embrace the opportunity to make some noise (and maybe some money). He comes out of hiding and calls a press conference, poised to blow America's mind with profound musings on the decline of modern culture. CAN Cliff Spab succeed in this mission???
I won't tell you; but I WILL say that SFW the film falls drastically short of the novel upon which it was based. In fact, even on its own merits, the movie is rather lame.
I mean, it just FEELS too contrived -- like its screenplay was drafted by a committee of yuppie Hollywood executives attempting to capture the jaded Gen X demographic without grasping its motivations in the slightest. Cliff Spab in the film is simply too pretty; too...sympathetic. The character here is designed to be marketable on some level....
But, in the book, he's NOT. That's the point -- the dude isn't SUPPOSED to be a likable person, per se. He just IS.
Maybe some of this problem is attributable to star Stephen Dorff. You know, I admire some of his work, but watching SFW, I get the impression that Dorff didn't really "get" what Spab was all about. He tries too hard to come across as rebellious and angsty, smirking and flipping his greasy hair around with an all-too-obvious air of "Whatever!" It doesn't work for me.
Oh, and yes -- I realize that, in the years since this film's release, "S.F.W." has come to be internet parlance for "Safe for Work." Hey, there's no way Andrew Wellman (or anyone) at that time could have predicted that, OK?
(What a "SFW" image might look like.)
And, if you must know, in the case of the novel and film being discussed here, "S.F.W." actually is supposed to mean, "So F-ing What?" Pretty friggin' punk rock, huh?
Anyway....
There's a reason why SWF the movie is largely unremembered. It's just bland and too slick for its own good. There was some genuine potential here, but the end result is just an uninspired, paint-by-numbers retelling of the book, with the setting and time period altered (and an ultra hip, Soundgarden-heavy, soundtrack thrown in). Really, this sucker is thoroughly lacking in soul, folks.
Maybe check it out if you're curious. If anything, at least SFW had an interesting premise behind it.
Then again, it was actually Andrew Wellman's premise, and not this dumbass film's, sooo....
Does SFW deserve ANY credit at all?
Probably not.
2 out of 5.
b.
It was a cynical, profane, and nihilistic attempt to cash in on depressed, white trash teenagers with bad attitudes. We totally loved it.
See, S.F.W. is the story of a stoner guy who gets taken hostage in a convenience store by a group of extremists with a plan to record his actions on a camcorder and broadcast them uncensored on television every day. Our hero is the ultimate smart ass/bad ass, and his vulgar antics and anarchistic rantings quickly propel him to flat out superstardom.
The movie made my friend and I feel better about ourselves, and actually indulge in the illusion of hope, because it presented a scenario in which even a total loser could find fame and fortune, simply by being himself. We never really talked about it that way, but I'm sure that's what drew us both to this motion picture -- it could ALMOST cause a member of the unwashed, downtrodden, trailer park-dwelling masses to fantasize about glory. At that moment in our lives, we both felt destined to spend the next few decades withering in obscurity, poverty, and despair; SFW appealed to us because it played on our misery by both mocking, and nurturing, it.
And our very favorite part of the whole thing was actually a random, three second bit in which the film's hero finally breaks free from his captors. See, here's what inspires him to fight back for the first (and only) time:
He runs out of beer.
Yeah, that's it.
The VERY SECOND our hero realizes that he's out of beer, he jumps up and kills all of the terrorists to get the heck out of there. No moment of hesitation, either -- the dude looks down at his last empty twelve pack and springs into action, lunging at the nearest gunman. Within minutes, they're all dead, and he walks out of there with a scowl on his face, determined to find more brews and (probably) more bud.
Funny, to be sure...and STILL the best moment in the entire movie.
But, what about the rest of it? Does the 32 year-old Andrew Terry Bartholomew Xavier Thadeus Green (Esquire the Third) find SFW as compelling and stimulating as the 16 year old version of him did???
Well, I'll tell you in a minute. But, FIRST...
I learned recently that SFW the MOVIE is actually based off a NOVEL, written by a chap named Andrew Wellman. Apparently, Wellman was, like, 22 years old when he penned this book, and upon its publication, he became (briefly) something of a "hot shot, young new voice of an entire generation" sort of phenom, or whatever. Heck, they probably even did a profile of him in Rolling Stone.
Needless to say, the dude has all but disappeared since then. Still, I recently purchased a copy of his novel, so that I might compare it to the cinematic version.
Lemme tell you -- the book is a real treat for a guy like me, who grew up in suburban Detroit, because it takes place there and Wellman includes TONS of details about D-Town living that only insiders like myself would comprehend. There are countless Detroit shout outs in SFW the book, which is not so much the case with the movie. I like that.
Plus, the book goes deeper into the psyche of our hero, and makes him far more believable than his celluloid counterpart. You know, there's a very specific class of people depicted in Wellman's SFW: the not-quite-blue-collar, white trash, burned out, given-up-on-life (or, maybe never had a go at it in the first place) northern suburban Detroit resident. And he represents them well. I know because I UNDERSTAND these people; I get their mindset.
In fact, I used to BE one of them, but luckily changed course in my late teens before it was too late (and so, incidentally, did my previously-mentioned pal, Wayne, in case you were wondering). I mean, I'm still dirt poor with few prospects in life...but at least my attitude is different. I'm glad it is, even though that fact won't mean much for me when all is said and done, anyway.
And I'm also glad "this particular class of people" is examined in Wellman's SFW. He was a promising writer and, unfortunately, the point of his novel is almost totally lost in its film adaptation.
Let's take a look.
S.F.W. (1994)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111048/
Netflix description:
When Gen-Xer Cliff Spab (Stephen Dorff) enters a suburban convenience store to buy some beer, he ends up with more than just a 6-pack -- he's taken hostage by terrorists! But with a gun to his head and national television capturing Spab's nihilistic attitude, people not only begin listening to the disgruntled youth … they create a cult out of him. Also stars Joey Lauren Adams, Jake Busey, John Roarke and Reese Witherspoon.
Well, you may have surmised that I feel SFW the movie is not as good as the book. Nice work, Sherlock.
But is the movie good, despite that?
Meh, not really. Watching SFW NOW, at 32 and with a much better eye for film quality than I had at 16, I can see that SFW is a weak, very HOLLYWOOD, attempt to appeal to Gen Xers -- kind of like the terrible Reality Bites and Singles, which were made around the same time.
This movie endeavors to create the illusion that it has a profound point about modern materialism by shoving a foul-mouthed, apathetic rebel in our faces; but it frankly doesn't have much substance once you get past that initial novelty. It's thin and weak.
As indicated, SFW is about a guy named Cliff Spab (Stephen Dorff), who gets taken hostage in a convenience store by terrorists who broadcast his antics on TV every night. Now, what I didn't mention before is that Cliff is not alone -- his best friend Joe and a pretty blond named Wendy (Reese Witherspoon) are also in there with him.
After 30-something days in captivity, Cliff and Joe finally fight back against the terrorists, and Joe is, sadly, killed in the struggle. Cliff and Wendy alone must emerge from the confines of their Seven Eleven prison to face a world now gone mad with Spab Fever. Yeah -- seems that Spab, for as negative and cynical as he is, has entranced the entire nation during his nightly news broadcasts over the past month or so. Everyone wants a piece of him; he's a media sensation!
At first, Spab recoils in the face of this madness. He hides; lashes out; resents the bizarre attention he's receiving, made all the worse by the fact that his best friend has just been killed and no one seems to care.
But, soon enough, Spab decides to embrace the opportunity to make some noise (and maybe some money). He comes out of hiding and calls a press conference, poised to blow America's mind with profound musings on the decline of modern culture. CAN Cliff Spab succeed in this mission???
I won't tell you; but I WILL say that SFW the film falls drastically short of the novel upon which it was based. In fact, even on its own merits, the movie is rather lame.
I mean, it just FEELS too contrived -- like its screenplay was drafted by a committee of yuppie Hollywood executives attempting to capture the jaded Gen X demographic without grasping its motivations in the slightest. Cliff Spab in the film is simply too pretty; too...sympathetic. The character here is designed to be marketable on some level....
But, in the book, he's NOT. That's the point -- the dude isn't SUPPOSED to be a likable person, per se. He just IS.
Maybe some of this problem is attributable to star Stephen Dorff. You know, I admire some of his work, but watching SFW, I get the impression that Dorff didn't really "get" what Spab was all about. He tries too hard to come across as rebellious and angsty, smirking and flipping his greasy hair around with an all-too-obvious air of "Whatever!" It doesn't work for me.
Oh, and yes -- I realize that, in the years since this film's release, "S.F.W." has come to be internet parlance for "Safe for Work." Hey, there's no way Andrew Wellman (or anyone) at that time could have predicted that, OK?
(What a "SFW" image might look like.)And, if you must know, in the case of the novel and film being discussed here, "S.F.W." actually is supposed to mean, "So F-ing What?" Pretty friggin' punk rock, huh?
Anyway....
There's a reason why SWF the movie is largely unremembered. It's just bland and too slick for its own good. There was some genuine potential here, but the end result is just an uninspired, paint-by-numbers retelling of the book, with the setting and time period altered (and an ultra hip, Soundgarden-heavy, soundtrack thrown in). Really, this sucker is thoroughly lacking in soul, folks.
Maybe check it out if you're curious. If anything, at least SFW had an interesting premise behind it.
Then again, it was actually Andrew Wellman's premise, and not this dumbass film's, sooo....
Does SFW deserve ANY credit at all?
Probably not.
2 out of 5.
b.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Expectatations Exceeded
OK, friends....
I'm back. Thanks for the kind words in recent weeks. You rule.
Well, I promised that I'd return with a review of Bridesmaids, and that's precisely what I've got today.
But FIRST, I'd like to point a little something out.
Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote that Jennifer Aniston is a huge tease who promises a nude scene with every movie, but never delivers? Remember that???
Some of you may have doubted me; some of you may have thought, "Oh, Drew. You're EXAGGERATING!" Well, I submit to the court THIS article regarding Aniston's upcoming film, Horrible Bosses:
HA! Do you see? DO YOU SEE?!? I KNOW what I am talking about.
The Aniston hype machine is firing on all cylinders once again, just as I predicted. She does it every time, man. All I can do is shake my head at the poor saps who will line up for Horrible Bosses, only to realize in horror that Jennifer HAS a topless scene, but keeps her arms folded strategically over the bits we want to see throughout the whole thing. You poor, poor pathetic fools....
Anyway, don't say I didn't warn you. Now on to Bridesmaids, a film which, unlike Ms. Aniston, definitely DOES deliver.
Bridesmaids (2011)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1478338/
Netflix description:
When Annie is asked to be the maid of honor at her best friend's wedding, she has plenty of reasons to be reluctant. Unfazed, she plunges in anyway, taking her best bud and fellow bridesmaids on a wild trip to Vegas.
OK, so I've talked about Bridesmaids quite a bit, which I imagine must have seemed a bit strange at times, as I don't usually review movies like this, and I am...you know...a guy.
But, you see -- I never expected Bridesmaids to be a chick flick, even though that appears to have been everyone else's assumption. I could tell from early rumblings that this one was going to be a straight up, gender-neutral comedy, and was right. Also, since I'm a huge Kristen Wiig fan, I was very excited to see what she could do when given the chance. CAN Kristen Wiig write and carry a respectable feature length film???
Oh, hell yes, she can.
In Bridesmaids, Wiig plays Annie, a down-on-her-luck, generally irresponsible, failed entrepreneur. She's got a horrible track record with men, obnoxious roommates, and a sour attitude about life, in general. The film opens with an hilarious sex romp between her and a crude f-buddy played by an uncredited Jon Hamm. I know that I personally would have really enjoyed that scene, but a group of morons entered the theater two minutes into it and ruined the whole experience for me by standing around in the aisle looking for seats and obstructing my view. God, I hate people who do that. Why can't they arrive on time and find their friggin' places BEFORE the picture starts???
Anyway, Hamm rudely throws Annie out the next morning, leading to Wiig's first spot-on physical bit (and there will be many), during which she gets stuck on a moving driveway gate. Simple, but quite effective, clearly establishing how downtrodden this woman really is. Make no mistake -- Annie is a sad, pitiful person, and she will sink far lower than this by the end of the film. Only a true talent could portray a character this miserable and keep the mood of the overall picture upbeat. Hats off to you, Kristen.
(OK, OK. I'll stop gushing over her now.)
Well, to make a long story short, Annie's best friend Lillian (Maya Rudolph) soon announces that she's become engaged, and asks Annie to serve as the maid of honor for her wedding. A tall order, but Annie accepts, and a story unfolds that goes far deeper than the basic difficulties of planning a large marriage ceremony. See, while it is, at its core, a wild (and, at times, somewhat raunchy) comedy, Bridesmaids is also just as much a tale of friendship, growth, and the search for happiness. It's not REALLY "The Hangover with women" (as many have billed it); if anything, this movie actually reminded me more of The 40 Year-Old Virgin....
Not surprisingly, Annie's efforts to organize Lillian's nuptials are a disaster, as she's not only a bit incompetent herself, but is also indirectly sabotaged throughout the process by another jealous friend named Helen (Roise Byrne). Throw in the hilarious Wendi McLendon-Covey, The Office's Ellie Kemper, and the Mack Truck of a personality that is Melissa McCartney , and you've got yourself one hell of a talented, comedically skilled, bridal party.
These woman play off each other superbly, setting scenes that often feel more improv than scripted (in fact, I hear many bits WERE improv). For instance, the airplane sequence, during which Wiig creates a massive disturbance at 30-thousand feet after accidentally mixing a powerful sedative with scotch. Not only is SHE hilarious (some of the best physical comedy I've seen in years), but the supporting players contribute enough side action to keep the whole situation engaging from several perspectives. I think that may have been my favorite part.
(Ah, weddings. Aren't they grand?)
Eventually, the big day DOES happen and goes down nicely, but the ride to get there is long, bumpy, poignant, and often hysterical. Annie meets, hooks up with, and loses a nice Irish cop boyfriend; she screws up a dress fitting by taking everyone to a sketchy Brazilian restaurant that gives them all food poisoning; and she gets fired from both the maid of honor job, AND her regular day job (following the film's other best scene -- a profane and insult-ridden argument with a 13 year-old girl at a jewelry store).
What can I say about this movie that others haven't already? It's just plain fantastic. I was really impressed.
Now, I know that my Kristen Wiig worship may be getting a bit annoying here, but honestly -- I just wasn't prepared for how STRONG her dramatic skills were going to be. Annie is a sympathetic character whose emotions never feel forced in the slightest. Yet, she's also laughable, during both the outrageous moments, and the much more subtle ones (and a lot of the jokes in this film ARE, believe it or not, very low-key). Wiig simply gives an award-worthy performance in Bridesmaids, and should be recognized for it.
Not to mention her chemistry with Maya Rudolph. It's obvious almost the second we see them together, and our two leads never feel like anything less than genuine friends. Their jokes are clever; their conversations are believable; and their serious moments are heartfelt....A perfectly-matched couple of leads, I must say.
And that's where it all comes together -- excellent casting, backed by a smart script.
For once, I was excited to see a movie, and didn't walk away from it feeling let down. Bridesmaids is an excellent comedy which confirms my suspicion that Kristen Wiig is a hell of a lot more than a twitchy, loud-mouthed sketch comedy actress, and it deserves the box office success it's receiving so far. I hope this motion picture has staying power. My only complaints are that it feels sliiiightly anticlimactic, has a FEW bits that run a little long, and doesn't feature nearly enough of Wendy McClendon Covey.
But none of those things come close to being deal breakers. I advise both guys and gals alike to check out Bridesmaids. It's the best comedy I've seen in years.
4 out of 5.
b.
I'm back. Thanks for the kind words in recent weeks. You rule.
Well, I promised that I'd return with a review of Bridesmaids, and that's precisely what I've got today.
But FIRST, I'd like to point a little something out.
Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote that Jennifer Aniston is a huge tease who promises a nude scene with every movie, but never delivers? Remember that???
Some of you may have doubted me; some of you may have thought, "Oh, Drew. You're EXAGGERATING!" Well, I submit to the court THIS article regarding Aniston's upcoming film, Horrible Bosses:
(Pffffft.)
HA! Do you see? DO YOU SEE?!? I KNOW what I am talking about.
The Aniston hype machine is firing on all cylinders once again, just as I predicted. She does it every time, man. All I can do is shake my head at the poor saps who will line up for Horrible Bosses, only to realize in horror that Jennifer HAS a topless scene, but keeps her arms folded strategically over the bits we want to see throughout the whole thing. You poor, poor pathetic fools....
Anyway, don't say I didn't warn you. Now on to Bridesmaids, a film which, unlike Ms. Aniston, definitely DOES deliver.
Bridesmaids (2011)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1478338/
Netflix description:
When Annie is asked to be the maid of honor at her best friend's wedding, she has plenty of reasons to be reluctant. Unfazed, she plunges in anyway, taking her best bud and fellow bridesmaids on a wild trip to Vegas.
OK, so I've talked about Bridesmaids quite a bit, which I imagine must have seemed a bit strange at times, as I don't usually review movies like this, and I am...you know...a guy.
But, you see -- I never expected Bridesmaids to be a chick flick, even though that appears to have been everyone else's assumption. I could tell from early rumblings that this one was going to be a straight up, gender-neutral comedy, and was right. Also, since I'm a huge Kristen Wiig fan, I was very excited to see what she could do when given the chance. CAN Kristen Wiig write and carry a respectable feature length film???
Oh, hell yes, she can.
In Bridesmaids, Wiig plays Annie, a down-on-her-luck, generally irresponsible, failed entrepreneur. She's got a horrible track record with men, obnoxious roommates, and a sour attitude about life, in general. The film opens with an hilarious sex romp between her and a crude f-buddy played by an uncredited Jon Hamm. I know that I personally would have really enjoyed that scene, but a group of morons entered the theater two minutes into it and ruined the whole experience for me by standing around in the aisle looking for seats and obstructing my view. God, I hate people who do that. Why can't they arrive on time and find their friggin' places BEFORE the picture starts???
Anyway, Hamm rudely throws Annie out the next morning, leading to Wiig's first spot-on physical bit (and there will be many), during which she gets stuck on a moving driveway gate. Simple, but quite effective, clearly establishing how downtrodden this woman really is. Make no mistake -- Annie is a sad, pitiful person, and she will sink far lower than this by the end of the film. Only a true talent could portray a character this miserable and keep the mood of the overall picture upbeat. Hats off to you, Kristen.
(OK, OK. I'll stop gushing over her now.)Well, to make a long story short, Annie's best friend Lillian (Maya Rudolph) soon announces that she's become engaged, and asks Annie to serve as the maid of honor for her wedding. A tall order, but Annie accepts, and a story unfolds that goes far deeper than the basic difficulties of planning a large marriage ceremony. See, while it is, at its core, a wild (and, at times, somewhat raunchy) comedy, Bridesmaids is also just as much a tale of friendship, growth, and the search for happiness. It's not REALLY "The Hangover with women" (as many have billed it); if anything, this movie actually reminded me more of The 40 Year-Old Virgin....
Not surprisingly, Annie's efforts to organize Lillian's nuptials are a disaster, as she's not only a bit incompetent herself, but is also indirectly sabotaged throughout the process by another jealous friend named Helen (Roise Byrne). Throw in the hilarious Wendi McLendon-Covey, The Office's Ellie Kemper, and the Mack Truck of a personality that is Melissa McCartney , and you've got yourself one hell of a talented, comedically skilled, bridal party.
These woman play off each other superbly, setting scenes that often feel more improv than scripted (in fact, I hear many bits WERE improv). For instance, the airplane sequence, during which Wiig creates a massive disturbance at 30-thousand feet after accidentally mixing a powerful sedative with scotch. Not only is SHE hilarious (some of the best physical comedy I've seen in years), but the supporting players contribute enough side action to keep the whole situation engaging from several perspectives. I think that may have been my favorite part.
(Ah, weddings. Aren't they grand?)Eventually, the big day DOES happen and goes down nicely, but the ride to get there is long, bumpy, poignant, and often hysterical. Annie meets, hooks up with, and loses a nice Irish cop boyfriend; she screws up a dress fitting by taking everyone to a sketchy Brazilian restaurant that gives them all food poisoning; and she gets fired from both the maid of honor job, AND her regular day job (following the film's other best scene -- a profane and insult-ridden argument with a 13 year-old girl at a jewelry store).
What can I say about this movie that others haven't already? It's just plain fantastic. I was really impressed.
Now, I know that my Kristen Wiig worship may be getting a bit annoying here, but honestly -- I just wasn't prepared for how STRONG her dramatic skills were going to be. Annie is a sympathetic character whose emotions never feel forced in the slightest. Yet, she's also laughable, during both the outrageous moments, and the much more subtle ones (and a lot of the jokes in this film ARE, believe it or not, very low-key). Wiig simply gives an award-worthy performance in Bridesmaids, and should be recognized for it.
Not to mention her chemistry with Maya Rudolph. It's obvious almost the second we see them together, and our two leads never feel like anything less than genuine friends. Their jokes are clever; their conversations are believable; and their serious moments are heartfelt....A perfectly-matched couple of leads, I must say.
And that's where it all comes together -- excellent casting, backed by a smart script.
For once, I was excited to see a movie, and didn't walk away from it feeling let down. Bridesmaids is an excellent comedy which confirms my suspicion that Kristen Wiig is a hell of a lot more than a twitchy, loud-mouthed sketch comedy actress, and it deserves the box office success it's receiving so far. I hope this motion picture has staying power. My only complaints are that it feels sliiiightly anticlimactic, has a FEW bits that run a little long, and doesn't feature nearly enough of Wendy McClendon Covey.
But none of those things come close to being deal breakers. I advise both guys and gals alike to check out Bridesmaids. It's the best comedy I've seen in years.
4 out of 5.
b.
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