And I already have the concept down. Check this out:
It would be called Le Art Film, and would be about Death trying to succeed in modern America. See, it seems that things have been a little slow for Death these days, what with all the advances in modern medicine, and decreased number of executions taking place. Plus, no one believes in him anymore. So, he's got to supplement his income by selling vacuum cleaners door-to-door. Business isn't so great, and Death, well, he's thinking of walking off into the sunset with himself. As he wanders around New York contemplating The End, Death bumps into a well-known news pundit in a hot dog costume. Turns out this fellow is also suicidal due to the recent demise of a sexual relationship he's had on the sly with the powerful owner of a successful waffle house chain (which, in flashbacks, would give me an excuse to include some nudity). Hot Dog Guy and Death decide to take one last trip across America to see if there's any real substance left to be found in this strange land of plenty.
Needless to say, this film would be shot in grainy black and white. The soundtrack would be trippy jazz music, and bad, shaky camera angles would be par for the course. Le Art Film's disjointed narrative would be linear JUST enough for it to be coherent, and the picture would be PACKED with a ton of that symbolism crap artistic types are so into. Let's see -- I'd have a Christ figure...a guy in a swimming pool looking up through the water at other people (I hear that's symbolic of something)...a bird cage...a chick washing mud off of herself...something about man's struggle with nature...and...uh, another Christ figure. Le Art Film will explore all sorts of deep stuff!
Eventually, our heroes will make it to a theme park in California, where they'll meet a water skiing squirrel who can talk. See, throughout the film, Death's been having dreams about this squirrel, so you know...they finally hook up in the third act. In previous dream sequences, the squirrel repeatedly told Death that he and his friend must "learn to dance" if they want to survive in the new world, but our heroes didn't understand what he meant. As it turns out in the end, the squirrel was talking literally (or, WAS he?). He tells Death to take a dance class, and "just BEEEEEEEeeeeee."
The final scene of Le Art Film would feature Death doing the Charleston in a cemetery while Hot Dog Guy sets up a website for him to sell his vacuums. Meanwhile, the water skiing squirrel glides off into the sunset. Fin.
I shall take this movie to France, where it will be screened in thousands of venues, and I will be lauded as a genius across the land. The chicks will dig me, and everything will be cool. Then, I shall raise 100 million dollars to fund the production of Le Art Film TWO: Electric Bugaloo. No bull, no compromises.
Anyway, speaking of art films....
Woodenhead (2003)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0388544/
Netflix description:
"A naive dump worker named Gert escorts the lovely mute princess Plum to her wedding. Along the way, they encounter a freakish fairy-tale world of strange cows, sheep and a donkey named Gerhard. The New Zealand director recorded all the dialogue first and then shot the actors lip-synching the lines, often to someone else's voice. The result is a singularly strange experience, embraced by film festivals across the world."
Some interesting things have come out of New Zealand, and Woodenhead can now be added to the list. It's definitely one of the weirder movies I have seen. A guy who runs a garbage dump must escort a rich girl to meet her big-time land owner fiance in a distant land. Apparently, her father has commissioned others to do the same before, but all have failed for various reasons. "The most important rule," he warns our hero, "Don't touch my daughter!"
Of course, our hero breaks that rule, and spends the rest of the movie wandering the countryside pursued by various circus freaks. Woodenhead has all the hallmarks of a dreamlike art film; but I wonder if it REALLY means anything, or is just supposed to seem like it does (as would be the case will my project, Le Art Film -- soon on Blu-ray!). It's like The Seventh Seal, but not as good -- a surreal fairy tale sort of deal.
Is Woodenhead worth watching? Well, the picture does have its charming moments (I like it when the rich chick starts singing lullabies), and if you're interested in seeing something unusual for its own sake, then this is certainly a good choice. Woodenhead isn't too long, and at least after watching it, you can tell people that you've seen a weird cult art film from New Zealand. What? Do you have something BETTER to do?
3 out of 5.
b.
No comments:
Post a Comment