The Horror!

When I started this blog, I assumed that most of the films I'd be reviewing would be of the horror genre....
See, I always figured myself a horror aficionado. Since I was a small boy, I've loved good old-fashioned slasher pictures, and I try to watch each zombie movie to pass through the pipes. They're a part of WHO I AM, man! Like, I remember being about twelve, and hanging out at the video store where my mom worked part-time. When she wasn't looking, I'd slip R-rated gore fests into the VCR. She'd say, "That movie doesn't have any NUDITY, does it?" and I'd be like, "Nah, just 400 gallons of blood!" I wonder if that has anything to do with why, as an adult, I feel nothing when I see horrifying violence, but get all excited when a nude person shows up on screen. Hmmm. That's some deep Freudian stuff right there....


So, yeah -- I started this blog thinking that I was a horror expert of some kind. I mean, I've got EVERY George Romero movie on DVD, for God's sake (not just the zombie-related ones)! That should at least make me slightly more qualified than the Average Joe to judge the genre. Armed with a Netflix account and my old friend Internet, I felt prepared to delve deep into the seedier regions of the horror world.

Of course, early on, I encountered a couple problems. First of all, there's the fact that, frankly, most modern independent horror movies just plain suck. They're made by amateurs -- Rob Zombie wannabes who have taken maybe two Introduction to Filmmaking classes at their local community college, and think they can throw together the next Blair Witch Project with a bunch of pothead drop-out friends over the weekend. Such films will often have intriguing descriptions, but lack any genuine artistry. You can tell there isn't really a deeper point that the filmmaker wishes to convey. Nothing beneath the surface; just blood, shaky camera work, and shock value. Blegh.

But another, and bigger, problem that I have encountered with horror blogging is simply the preponderance of other horror bloggers. HOLY SMOKES, there are a lot of them! And they know their stuff, too. So much so, in fact, that most of these other film nuts on the web simply blow me out of the water. There are dudes who watch WAAAY more movies than I could ever hope to, and reading their blogs has humbled me. It seems as though my knowledge of the horror genre is pedestrian at best. For example, just take a look at this here game that another blogger -- over at My New Plaid Pants -- likes to play. It's called "Five Frames From?", and involves the posting of five random screenshots from various films. See, author JA will post the five random images and challenge readers to guess from which movie they were taken. What absolutely amazes me is that readers will almost ALWAYS be able to figure it out. These people are incredible. I've only been able to guess, like, once. Hey, often, I've never even heard of the movies included. How can I compete when the READERS of other blogs know their crap better than I do??? I am jealous and unworthy, but still I salute them.


Well, whatever. I can only be me. So, here's a horror movie (sort of). Please excuse my bad interpretation.

Trick 'r Treat (2008)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0862856/


Netflix description:
The usually boisterous traditions of Halloween turn baleful, and everyone in a small town tries to survive one night in pure hell in writer-director Michael Dougherty's fright fest. Several stories weave together, such as a loner fending off a demented trick-or-treater's attacks, kids uncovering a freaky secret, a school principal -- who moonlights as a serial killer -- poisoning his candy, and more. Dylan Baker, Anna Paquin and Brian Cox star.

So, Trick 'r Treat is like some kind of homage to both Halloween, and horror films, in general. It follows several stories, all taking place on the same Halloween night, and all involving something supernatural. A bunch of people get killed, sometimes in surprising ways, and the whole deal wraps up nicely with the various stories connecting by the final act.

Let's see, there's a psychotic elementary school principal (played by the always-creepy "that guy" Dylan Baker) who murders a trick or treater; there's an old dude who gets attacked by a midget demon resembling Sack Boy from Little Big Planet; there's a group of hot party chicks who turn out to be...well, I won't spoil it for you. Yeah, there's all kinds of stuff going on in this movie. Lotsa really good, neat stuff....

Well, not really. See, I wasn't as blown away by Trick 'r Treat as many others seem to have been. I don't know what the problem is, really -- the film is well-made, it kept me fairly engaged for 90 minutes, and at times, it's even somewhat witty. So what's wrong? I guess the issue here is just that...you know...the movie simply is not SCARY. You've got all this cool, spooky imagery going on, but nothing to shock or put us on edge. Trick 'r Treat is probably more of a comedy than a horror film. Normally, I would enjoy such a picture, but considering the potential that this one had to really WOW us, I felt the whole experience was somewhat of a letdown. I wanted to be creeped out!


One big problem was the fact that the film's longest story -- about a bunch of middle school kids who uncover the truth behind a local Halloween massacre several years prior -- is also its most boring. I was like, "Yeah, yeah -- these kids are doing something spooky. I GET IT! why must we waste so much time on them???" I would have preferred Trick 'r Treat to have stuck with the psychotic principal. Heck, that guy could have been the subject of an entire movie by himself. He was awesome!

Then there are the hot chicks, who totally squander an opportunity to provide us with some great nudity. SHAME on this film's director, Michael Dougherty, for teasing us so! The whole movie kind of feels like that -- we're waiting for something grant, but it never comes. It really irritates me when directors do that. You gotta give us what we WANT, Mr. Dougherty.

(OK, fine. This joke is stupid. I don't care.)

In the end, Trick 'r Treat is a well-made disappointment. It sets us up for some old-fashioned Halloween horror fun, but fails to meet expectations. Why in the world couldn't Dougherty have followed up this good premise with something that actually scared us? Where's the blood? Where's the excess?? Where's the payoff??? Sure, this film is still worth checking out (hey, it might even be a good selection for Halloween party viewing), and I couldn't honestly call it BAD....I'm just saying that it's not as GOOD as it should have been. When, oh when, will we get the kind of Halloween movie we've been waiting for???

3 out of 5.

b.