Teaching Video Games To A Non-Gamer

I have mentioned before that I am a dedicated gamer....
I don't care if anyone has a problem with that, either. Some folks look down on gaming, or at least lack an understanding of the hobby, dismissing it as a mere child's activity. I read accounts of misguided politicians proposing legislation to ban certain types of games; I see signs of old people resenting games as a waste of time; I listen to macho types talk of the gaming community disparagingly....I say these people are all full of crap.

Listen. I have a proposal: video games are the same as sports.


Like, let's say some guy is REALLY into football. He spends countless hours watching ESPN; he blows half of his paycheck on season tickets; he gets all riled up when someone interrupts his game-watching time, or when his favorite team loses some important match....You know -- a regular sports nut. There are lots of them.

How is this guy's wasting of time any different from MINE??? Mr. Sports Nut devotes dozens of hours each week to a series of athletic competitions over which he has no influence (and in which he has no hope of taking part), yet society accepts his obsession as normal male behavior. Heck, no one bats an eye when some dude calls in sick to work to attend a playoff game to which he somehow scored tickets. But when a gamer wants to do the same thing to play the latest Grand Theft Auto release all day, it's a sickness or something.

My Dad, for example, was a big sports guy. He loved the Detroit Tigers, and tracked the most obscure statistics of the team's players and progress each season with an intense devotion. If there was a game on, he'd be watching...and if you asked him about some pitcher's performance or whatever, he'd be able to talk at length about how it had developed throughout the season and how it might affect the ball club as a whole. I mean, even when he was at the very end of his days on this mortal plane, he spent as much of his free time as possible studying baseball statistics.

Now, that's fine. I would never question a chap's passion for sports, and in fact, think it was quite healthy. After all, a man needs a diversion. But what DOES annoy me is that he, and millions upon millions of other dudes, could be that way with athletic fandom, while I -- the Drewmeister over here -- could be the target of frustration and ridicule for loving video games to the same degree. Seriously -- what, exactly, is the difference???

(I mean, really --is one better than the other???)

I love gaming because it's the only true-blue way for me to relax, even better than movies -- getting deeply immersed in an interesting video game stimulates my mind like nothing else. I DO believe that video games can be art, and regard them as an entertainment medium no different from television or the printed word. I await the day when game developers will produce a project that meets the medium's full potential (which, when you get down to it, will require a better quality of writers), propelling it to the same status as motion pictures and AT LEAST friggin' popular novels. I think those who wish to come down on video games merely suffer from a lack of understanding, combined with the age-old human weakness of wishing to punish those who are not like themselves. It's Nazi logic, really.

Anyway, let's get to the point: I recently had an opportunity to teach my fiance how to play a modern video game.

(There really ought to be more classes like this.)

Now, let's make one thing absolutely clear: my lady is the nicest, finest, bestest female human ever to walk the Earth. I think she's the bee's knees. In fact, I like her so much that I actually gave her a shiny ring and asked her to remain my squeeze, like, forever. SO...you know...there's that....

But she dislikes video games. Not PASSIONATELY, mind you; she just doesn't play them, doesn't want to play them, and doesn't get them. Beyond that, though, the woman is fantastic. However, I can tell that it annoys her when I disappear into my man-cave for a few hours each Saturday night with a six-pack of Natural Light in hand to drown out the world with a round of Left 4 Dead 2. I know she's thinking, "Quit wasting your time, you stupid man-child."

That's really the only point of contention in our situation. So, imagine my surprise and enthusiasm a few months back when the Soon-To-Be-Missus announced, out of the blue, that she wold like me to teach her how to play a video game. She was like, "Show me how one works. I want to try it, FOR YOU." I was all, "Erm....OK!"

We sat down in front of my gaming set-up. I had just purchased Silent Hill: Shattered Memories for the Nintendo Wii, and for some reason got the idea in my head that we should start with that one. So, we did.


Here's the thing -- the Silent Hill series is not for the novice gamer. It's an acquired taste; someone who knows next to nothing about video games is almost CERTAINLY not going to get it. Silent Hill relies upon the assumption that its player is well-versed in video game logic and strategy. A newbie cannot simply waltz into its world and have a good time. I made a horrible choice of game with which to introduce my fiance to the hobby.

Anyway, we fired up Silent Hill: Shattered Memories with my lady in control of the Wiimote. The game started out with some fairly abstract cut-scenes establishing how our hero winds up in the small haunted town of Silent Hill. See, he's driving with his daughter one night and they get into a wreck near some junkyard. The hero wakes up a little while later to discover that his daughter has disappeared, so he sets out looking for her. Now, that seems to me like a good enough premise with which to begin the action, but looking back, I guess that many questions were still left unanswered. And that's where my fiance's frustration began. She was like, "Well, who ARE these people, and why did they just crash their car into a junkyard? Where were they going?? Why doesn't that guy call the police??? None of this makes any SENSE!"

I tried to explain that video game narratives (especially in something like Silent Hill) are just structured that way -- they reveal as little as possible at the beginning so that the story can be gradually unraveled. Gaps in logic must be overlooked; the point is to start moving forward.

My lady tried to be a good sport, and just let it go.....
--ME: OK, so now you've got to look around the area for clues.
--HER: All right. How does this controller work? Why is it so jerky?
--ME: Because this is the Wii. You'll get used to it. Now, go over to that dumpster.
--HER: What dumpster? Why?
--ME: Because it looks like you can open it. There's probably a clue in th--
--HER: Why would I look for clues to find my daughter in a DUMPSTER? Who would think to do that? And how do you know that I can open THAT dumpster???
--ME: Because it's colored slightly different from other objects in the environment. That usually means you can do something with it. Just open it.
--HER: Fine. Why is the camera angle so bad?


So, she opens the dumpster, and there's a key sitting in it.

--ME: Pick up the key!
--HER: What key? Why would a key be in this dumpster? Why would anyone think to take it?
--ME: *sigh* The key is blinking, which means you can pick it up. You're obviously going to need it to enter that building over there.
--HER: That's stupid. Why would I go into a strange, locked building? I should be waiting right where I am and calling for help. What if my daughter comes back?
--ME: Because then there'd be no friggin' game!

At this point, it started to dawn on me that teaching someone about games using a title with the most nuanced of all gaming logic was probably a mistake. I realized that years of doing his crap had conditioned me to know what the developers were getting at the second I was allowed control of my character. Others, however, would not be able to jump in so easily. My fiance asked my why we didn't look for our character's daughter's footprints in the snow (a very smart idea, actually), and I had to explain that...well...this is a video game and...uh...I dunno.

--ME: There's no footprints, OK?!? Just drop it. Go in that damn building!
--HER: Why would my daughter be in there?
--ME: Don't ask; just go!
--HER: Stop snapping at me.
--ME: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?
--HER: I DON'T KNOW!!!

Here was my lady, being very nice, and I was losing patience. I snatched the Wiimote, and tried to move things forward quickly, looking for the game's first enemy so that maybe the missus would get into the action at that point. I found a monster, only to realize that in Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, you don't actually get to FIGHT anything; instead, you have to run away from all enemies. Cripes, did I make a bad choice on that day.


My better half gave gaming a fair shot, but quickly lost interest. Totally my fault, too. I mean, Silent Hill: Shattered Memories is like the UNgame -- it breaks standard conventions on countless levels. Even for a SILENT HILL title, it's weird. You can't teach a person about something new with such a poor example of the subject at hand. Introducing someone to video games with Silent Hill is like introducing someone to the music of The Beatles using that crazy Revolution Number 9 song from The White Album. You'd be like, "I SWEAR, The Beatles aren't usually like this," as your friend stood there with a "What the hell is this crap?" look on his face.

Oh, my dear lady -- you were so gracious. I should have busted out, like, Resident Evil 5 or No More Heroes for you that night. I know now that you would have enjoyed a more action-oriented experience. Me, I've kind of moved beyond that, finding more relaxation in trippy, cerebral, and occasionally bat-crap insane gaming experiences. I've been delving into weirder (or, "more Japanese") stuff lately; things that, frankly, would make little sense at all to anyone who isn't at least a little unbalanced. Killer 7...Fragile Dreams...Persona...oddly enough, a lot of games on the Wii. I tried to project my bizarre sensibilities on to someone who was iffy at best on NORMAL games.

A person who doesn't enjoy gaming to begin with is just as unlikely to understand my love for Japanese dungeon crawlers as they are to understand why I keep playing Borderlands if it makes me so friggin' angry. I just DO, the same way some sports nut DOES. We are. That's deep, man.


Anyway, the good news here is that I ended up completing Silent Hill: Shattered Memories on my own some weeks later, and it blew my friggin' mind. Yes, it's the best entry in the series since Silent Hill 2. Gamers in need of something unusual (if imperfect) are advised to give it a chance. The game rocked my world.


Speaking of cheap horror, here's a movie.

Smash Cut (2009)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1245735/


Netflix description:
With his recent films failing to impress anyone, independent horror auteur Able Whitman (David Hess) is desperate to win fans -- and win them he does when he begins to use real body parts as set dressing in this splatter flick send-up from director Lee Demarbre. While a car accident provides him with the initial body parts -- which belonged to a stripper -- Able begins to resort to more desperate measures when his new realism catches on.

Smash Cut is tricky film to evaluate. It's a kind of...oh, I dunno...satire, send-up, slasher flick, B-grade crapfest comedy with a small dash of wit. It's like the movie is poking fun at itself while poking fun at other films of the same kind while still trying to tell a somewhat engaging story AND be nasty. It's terrible, but still manages to overcome itself and end up being good. That make sense?

OK, it's about a B-movie director named Able Whitman who is on the verge of being driven out of the low-grade production house for which he works because he sucks so badly. Able's films, we learn early on, are God-awful. Smash Cut opens as Able lurks in the back of a movie theater listening to an audience mock and heckle his latest production. The biggest problem with it -- the special effects are terrible. Hmmm....

Defeated, Able heads out for a night of enjoyment with his favorite lady-friend, who also happens to be a stripper (and NO -- this movie has no nudity). One thing leads to another, and the stripper is killed in a car crash. Like any reasonable man would, Able simply stuffs her body into his trunk, and heads to work for the day. Hey, it's like my Sunday school teacher used to always say: "No need to let a dead stripper ruin your morning!"

Anyway, while on the set of his next bad movie, Able gets an idea. See, he's standing there looking at a pitiful mass of latex and ketchup that's supposed to be a murder victim, and he thinks, "HEY! Why not used the body of the woman I just KILLED as my special effect in this scene?" Again, totally reasonable.

Well, as it turns out, Able's new strategy of using REAL body parts as the gore effects in his movies really works. Everyone who sees scenes from the newest film praises its realism, and Able's career suddenly seems to have received a second wind. Obviously, he's GOT to keep killing people, right?


A nosy reporter eventually comes around to investigate the disappearance of Able's original stripper friend, and soon he's running around, desperately trying to cover up a quickly-growing list of victims. WILL this woman unravel the truth about Able's killing spree???

Smash Cut is notable in that it's just as cheap and amateurish as the films it's lampooning. This movie has lousy sound, poor lighting, blurry visuals, and wooden acting ALMOST across the board (only David Hess, who plays Able, is any good here). It's as though a bunch of "adult film" producers got together and said, "Hey, let's try to make a legitimate movie!" In fact, the lead female in Smash Cut, as it turns out, IS actually an adult film star by day. Her name is Sasha Grey, and for some reason, a growing number of filmmakers are casting her in regular, non X-rated, productions. This I do not understand, as she really is quite terrible.


But she's a minor consideration in Smash Cut. The movie has so many odd qualities that, once you're acclimated, you won't even notice or care about the bad acting. It's offbeat on just about every level; something is just DIFFERENT about Smash Cut. This film is unevenly-paced, weirdly-shot, schizophrenically-written...I could go on and on for hours and still never adequately convey how unusual this motion picture is. You'll feel like you're in some weird, cynical dream while watching it. Yet, it's all so compelling.

Frankly, I kind of LIKED Smash Cut. It embraces its own badness and emerges on the other side as a worthwhile experience. Imagine if someone took a bunch of rotten fruit, threw it in a blender, and wound up with a surprisingly flavorful punch through sheer random luck -- that's Smash Cut. It tries so hard to fail that it succeeds.

Free spirits and the curious are advised to give this one a rental.

3 out of 5.

b.