New Toys!

So, today brings the release of the brand spanking new Nintendo 3DS handheld gaming system....
Yes, I know that a majority of my blog's readers don't exactly care about this, but I do, so...you know...whatever.


As I've mentioned in the past, I have been a fan of all things Nintendo for pretty much my entire life. To me, Nintendo translates to "Good." These fine folks have kept me entertained and comforted for going on 25 years now. Yes, I KNOW that they're really just a heartless, money-making corporation that would throw me under the bus if it would help the bottom line in the slightest, but STILL...I like the Big N, anyway. They can manipulate me all they want, as long as I always know there's a new Zelda or Metroid coming down the pipeline.

So, the new 3DS handheld has certainly got me attention. I want one...bad.


I want one in the same way that I wanted the original Gameboy when it was released in the late 80s. I remember being a boy of about ten, and actually hanging pictures of the Gameboy on my bedroom wall. I read all of the magazine articles, and collected all the catalog advertisements; I was intimately familiar with every Gameboy launch title, and each accessory slated to be available for use with the device upon release....I LONGED for one of those neat little gadgets, and cursed the fact that I was a mere kid who couldn't simply BUY one because I felt like it.

Well, here I am at nearly 32, and sort of feeling the same way about the 3DS. The difference between the 2011 3DS situation and the 1989 Gameboy situation, of course, is that, in 2011, I'm cursing the fact that I simply cannot AFFORD my desired toy, as opposed to 1989, when I cursed the fact that I simply...well...could not AFFORD my desired toy. Hmmm....


Yes, I suppose not a whole has changed for the old Drewmeister in the past 20 years or so. Adulthood just means that one must deal with the same crap, but on different levels. I couldn't have a Gameboy at launch because my six dollar per week allowance wasn't enough to cover its 100 dollar price tag, and NOW, I can't have a 3DS at launch because my X-dollar per week salary isn't enough to cover its 250 dollar price tag. Now, like back then, I will have to...gulp...SAVE up for one if I ever hope to get it.


But let's back back to the 3DS itself. Man, I tells ya, this bad boy is AWESOME. Not only does it take handheld Nintendo gaming to its next technological level in terms of processing power, but it actually has the brand new element of 3D. Now, I know that I have blasted 3D movies in the past as stupid and unnecessary, but this is DIFFERENT. See, with the 3DS, one doesn't need GLASSES to get the 3D effect. That's right -- your naked eyes will pick up the 3D with this puppy. That's an impressive technical advancement, in and of itself. I mean, Nintendo actually found a way to make 3D WORK without requiring that anyone put on stupid glasses. I want to see what that is like.

Furthermore, the 3DS is a big step for Nintendo in that it includes several other, non-gaming capabilities. For example, one will be able to stream Netflix movies through the thing, in addition to surfing the web and listening to music. The device marks the first time that Nintendo has stepped out of the gaming-only realm, and tried to compete with other products that allow for other multimedia uses. It's a big step for the company, and I hope it succeeds.


Man, I envy those RICH JERKS who got to pick up a 3DS today, on this sacred launch day. I got a DS on launch day about five years ago, but that pales in comparison to this. The 3DS is a revolutionary piece of hardware; the 3DS RULES!


Anyway, while I try to distract myself from the pain of being without a shiny new 3DS, here's a comedy about a martial arts "master".

The Foot Fist Way (2006)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492619/


Netflix description:
When he gets wind of his wife's infidelities, control freak Tae Kwon Do instructor Mr. Simmons (Danny McBride) finally loses his cool and sets out on a pilgrimage to see his hero: martial arts master Chuck "The Truck" Wallace (Ben Best). But is the world ready for a meeting between these two over-the-top black-belt egos? Expertly drawn characters and furious action make for a wild ride in this Jody Hill comedy.

So, The Foot Fist Way is -- lemme be clear -- quite a find.

This is a sort of tongue-in-cheek, semi-sarcastic (well, totally sarcastic), off-the-wall, oddball character study, if you will; an examination of an absurd personality not unlike Napoleon Dynamite. In fact, The Foot Fist Way is EXACTLY like Napoleon Dynamite, and I'm actually shocked to learn that it wasn't made by the same people.

But, yeah -- if you "get" Napoleon Dynamite, then you ought to get The Foot Fist Way. They're pretty much the same thing, only with different characters. Let's get that out of the way right now.

But what is Foot Fist really about??? Well, The Foot Fist Way is about a loser martial arts instructor in a small town buried somewhere deep in the American heartland. His name is Fred Simmons, and he's basically delusional on just about every level. Fred thinks that he is the greatest, most badass, Tae Kwon Do expert of all-time. He spends his time alternating between actually teaching elementary-age kids how to defend themselves, and just telling them how cool he is. Fred lives in a dream world in which he could take on Chuck Norris, win a NASCAR race, and hook up with any woman of his choosing, all in the space of one afternoon. Yeah -- he's totally full of himself.

Well, one day, Fred gets the chance to introduce his class to the most popular Tae Kwon Do master in the world, B-movie star, Chuck "The Truck" Wallace. Chuck the Truck is a god even to Fred Simmons, so our hero is pretty excited to meet him. Little surprise, then, when it turns out that Chuck is really a total jerk, who quickly puts the moves on Fred's wife (successfully, I might add). Our hero's pride is deeply wounded, and he decides to fight back. CAN Fred Simmons defeat Chuck the Truck in an epic battle to salvage his dignity and honor???


Man, I gotta tell ya -- I loved this friggin' movie. It's just HILARIOUS. Even though Fred Simmons is a total tool, I rooted for him (just like I rooted for Napoleon Dynamite), hoping that he would somehow prove himself to be the tough guy he always claimed to be. There's just something about the atmosphere established in The Foot Fist Way that won me over. I felt comfortable in this place, and with these people. Even if they're caricatures, I still RELATED to them.

The supporting cast here is just as strong as our lead. For instance, at one point, we're introduced to a former classmate of Fred's, a guy named Mike McAlister (incidentally, played by the film's director), who breaks boards with his head and forces others to listen to demos of his god-awful metal band. This guy's intensity was just too perfect to NOT be funny; I wanted him to stick around for much longer than he did. Also, Chuck the Truck is, needless to say, a flat-out riot. You'll never find arrogance more amusing than you will with characters like him. Some truly inspired performances can be found in The Foot Fist Way, and that's half the battle.

The film itself is obviously low-budget -- somewhat grainy, with sound that isn't always clear. One can tell that this picture was shot for next-to-nothing, but I appreciate and respect that. It takes talent to turn nothing into something...especially if that something ends up being a movie as funny as this one.

I recommend The Foot Fist Way to all viewers looking for a few laughs. It's offbeat, goofy, subversive, and innovative. As noted, this picture is basically a tone rip-off of Napoleon Dynamite, but let's be honest, that's not exactly a BAD thing, now is it?

4 out of 5.

b.