Yup, The Digital Revolution

I know this is yesterday's news, but I would still like to take a moment to complain about the digital TV conversion....
Remember that? Yeah -- the conversion was when everyone had to switch over to digital televisions or lose their over-the-air signals. There was a big brouhaha surrounding the switch back in 2009, as officials warned everyone without cable that they'd better get a converter box, or else they'd be able to watch nothing. I guess the whole issue was related to HD programming and bandwidth, with the megapixels and the fiber optics with the satellite downloads on the IPODs and e-mails or something....I dunno.


Anyway, as noted, if someone didn't have cable or satellite, they needed to buy a converter box in order to make their TV set compatible with the fancy new digital signals. The devices were about 40 bucks and easy to install, we were told. "You just plug them in, do a quick scan of the channels, and BAM -- you're watching TV, my friend. Welcome to the digital age!"

Well, that sounds great, but here's the problem: converter boxes don't work for SQUAT.

I'm somewhat ashamed to admit this, but the sad truth is that I don't have cable. See, some years ago, I realized that with all of the DVDs and internet stuff that I watch, I really didn't need more than, say, four channels on the old drool box. I could save myself 30 bucks a month by cutting out the cable and just watching, like, Letterman, Conan, and Saturday Night Live each night before popping in my latest Netflix rental and hitting the web. The strategy worked great, and I was perfectly happy to receive my limited selections via the free airwaves with a rabbit ears antenna (even though I did miss being able to view Comedy Central and G4 conveniently). Yay for me.

But then came the digital conversion. See, here's what they didn't tell you about that whole deal: even if you DO have a converter box and a digital antenna, you're still not going to receive ANYTHING unless you can get a good, STRONG signal. Under the old analog technology, you could still watch a program even if the signal wasn't coming in completely clear. Maybe you'd get a little static and snow, but the show would still come in; your reception didn't have to be PERFECT for it to work. With digital, however, it ain't like that. Either it comes in, or it doesn't. There is no middle ground where you can KIND OF watch something.

SO, as it turns out, I live just a bit too far away from my nearest television broadcasters to get a strong enough signal for this friggin' digital programming to work. I got a converter box...I fiddled with it for days...I messed around with my antenna...and nothing. While I was trying to set the whole thing up, the South Bend NBC affiliate would occasionally tease me by coming in for a few seconds, but then it would go away again, leaving me even more upset. It was a stressful process, trying to get the lousy digital TV to work, and it was all fruitless. My converter box continues to sit there in the living room, wasting space.

(Look -- it's covered with dust!)

Over the summer, I had vague plans to climb up on the roof and install a better antenna, but who was I kidding? That would require too much time and effort. Hey, I used to install satellite dishes for a living, and it was the worst job ever. I ain't messing with that kind of crap again. DARN THIS DIGITAL TELEVISION TECHNOLOGY, AND DARN MY LOCAL TV STATIONS FOR NOT HAVING MORE POWERFUL SIGNALS!

Well, I suppose not having TV isn't a TOTAL loss. At least this way I have more time to watch zombie movies.

American Zombie (2007)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0765430/


Netflix description:
Part mockumentary, part unabashed gore-fest, American Zombie follows filmmakers Grace Lee and John Solomon -- both playing themselves -- as they infiltrate a Los Angeles zombie community in an effort to document the undead subculture. Finding that the reanimated aren't much different from the rest of us -- save for some patches of rotting flesh -- the moviemakers offer a comical look at their marginalized subjects.

So, American Zombie is presented like a documentary. You know -- it's one of them FAKE documentaries that's intended to be funny, like This Is Spinal Tap, or An Inconvenient Truth. It takes place in a world where zombies exist, but have yet to attract widespread attention or cause trouble. Yes, in THIS universe, the zombies are just regular folk like you and me. They hold down jobs, they have likable personalities and, contrary to popular myth, they don't eat human flesh.

Or DO they?

In American Zombie, our heroes are a couple of documentary filmmakers named Grace and John who want to know more about this strange new zombie phenomenon. They interview a doctor who explains to them that the walking dead outbreak is caused by a recently-discovered virus, and then they track down a couple of real life zombies to get their stories. All of these zombie folk are interesting and quirky in different ways, and listening to them is like listening to the oddball characters you might see on The Office. One of them is a convenience store clerk who writes an independent "zine" for the zombie community (called "American Zombie"), and through him our heroes meet several individuals involved in a sort of zombie liberation movement. One thing leads to another, and Grace and John find themselves learning more about the zombie class than they may have bargained for.

Now, I've seen zombie movies that follow this formula before. You know -- the old "World-in-which-zombies-and-humans-coexist-albeit-with-tensions" deal. Yeah, it's been done plenty of times, but not quite like this. See, the difference here is that, in American Zombie, as far as WE can tell, the zombies really ARE docile. For the first 90 percent of the movie, we see no solid evidence at all that they are dangerous to the living. Our heroes, the documentary makers, have their suspicions about this strange zombie counterculture, to be sure; but they uncover nothing to prove that the zombies they're talking to are human flesh eaters. It's not until the end when...well...I won't spoil that for you.


The interesting thing about American Zombie is that it's really more of a smart comedy than a horror film. This one was obviously written by fairly educated and well-humored individuals, and its production values were far higher than I would have expected. I mean, they actually got good actors! That's RARE for a zombie flick these days! The filmmakers here also demonstrate an amazing amount of restraint. I waited for 80 minutes to see some hardcore zombie mayhem, expecting it at every turn, and was shot down repeatedly. Had this been my movie, EVEN UNDERSTANDING THE CONCEPT, I still would have been unable to resist unleashing some serious gore beyond maybe the 25 minute mark. I applaud our filmmakers for sparing the blood to focus on the funny.

And it WORKS for them. American Zombie kept me engaged all the way through, as I waited to find out if our zombie friends really were as harmless as they seemed, or if they were secret flesh eaters just playing nice until the right moment. In the meantime, I was entertained by a variety of witty exchanges between offbeat characters, highly reminiscent (again) of The Office. Would I want to watch American Zombie A SECOND TIME? Well, no -- I get the definite impression that it would drag on subsequent viewings. But for what it is, this picture is certainly a worthy entry into the world of zombie cinema. I've never seen one quite like it, and I suggest that members of the target audience give it a chance.

3 out 5

b.