A Mystery

The more secretive something is, the more I am drawn to it....
And there's no country more secretive than North Korea.


What a strange enigma of a nation! That Kim Jong-il fellow sure likes to keep the place under wraps, doesn't he? Kim, baby, you seem nice and all, but let us into your world!

It's, like, impossible to know what life is really like in North Korea. Even those who get to go on tourist visits there aren't allowed to see anything beyond the officially-approved itinerary. There's an absolutely fascinating series of videos I found on YouTube made by some dude who went on a site-seeing trip to Pyongyang that showcases this. He takes us through a bizarre trek to North Korea, documenting each stop. The North Koreans apparently go out of their way to impress foreign visitors, and their efforts just come across as very awkward. I love it. Check out this clip:


He goes to some tea shop, and tries to flirt with the lady working there. It's the middle of the day, but there are no other customers the whole time he's around because...well...the shop is fake. Like a restaurant he visits in an even better clip, the place is just there to make North Korea look normal to tourists. That's what's known on the Internet as "Fail."

I like sad, crumbling cities, which is what Pyongyang basically is. I found some neat videos made by a Canadian tourist who was trailed through the North Korean capital by a guy that always seemed to be holding a newspaper in front of his face whenever she turned to look back at him. Hilarious! He made darn sure that she didn't sneak her camera anywhere but the main streets in that Potemkin village of a metropolis. Also, check out this lovely North Korean kids show:

(Where can I buy the DVD box set?)

I want to visit South Korea so I can sit around and watch wacky propaganda broadcasts from the north. The North Korean news, for example, is world renown for its accuracy and high production values:

I don't understand people who pass up an opportunity to see foreign TV. Like, when I visited a friend in Arizona a few years back, all I wanted to do was watch the weird Mexican channels, but my dumb host was all like, "Duh, put on something else. I can't understand what they're saying. DUH...." Who cares?!? There was a show called ENFARTO on the Mexican station, for goodness sake! Why in the world wouldn't you want to find out what it is???

Anyway, if I could watch crazy North Korean broadcasts, I would. Apparently, there's a completely jokeless comedy show over there devoted to beans. I'm serious -- The Huffinton Post reported on it. Now that's my kind of programming!

Of course, unlike the brave travelers mentioned in today's post, I would never want to physically go inside the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. It would be too risky. One minute you're staring at a propaganda poster about Kim Jung-il's ability to control the weather, and the next minute you're sitting in some detention cell with a car battery hooked up to your nipples. As a rule, I never trust a country that actually feels the need to put the words "Democratic Republic" in its name. Nope, I'll let others do the dirty work, while I sit right here and enjoy the fruits of their labor...like this video about the famous traffic girls of Pyongyang:


Hey, speaking of the mysterious and spooky, here's a lovely film about a zombie-vampire woman.

The Living Dead Girl (1982)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084357/


Netflix description:
When her grave is disturbed by both earthquake and toxic waste spill, a deceased girl comes alive to walk the Earth again in French filmmaker Jean Rollins's macabre tale. After rising from her tomb, zombie Catherine (Francoise Blanchard) hungers for flesh and blood and sets out to find childhood friend and blood sister Helene (Marina Pierro). Helene decides to help satisfy Catherine's bloodlust by luring people into their lair.

First of all, let me note that this movie was apparently the inspiration for the Rob Zombie song, "Living Dead Girl", which I have been utterly unable to get out of my head for the past three days. Fortunately for me, it's nowhere near as bad as having, say, a Lady Gaga tune stuck in my mind, but STILL....

Anyway, The Living Dead Girl is a French movie about a beautiful, but deceased, young lady named Catherine who is resurrected when a couple of grave robbers accidentally spill chemical waste on her coffin. She goes on a bit of a killing spree, cutting peoples' throats and gouging out their eyeballs with razor sharp finger nails, before making her way back to the rural chateau in which she grew up.

Catherine's childhood friend Helene soon drops by, and tries to nurse the poor girl back to health. See, at first, Catherine is quite zombie-like, unable to speak or do anything besides drink the blood of her victims and tap whimsically at an old piano. Helene thinks that maybe her friend is simply traumatized from having been buried alive, so she starts out acting all nurture-y towards her, even giving Catherine a lovely sponge bath at one point (heh heh). After a while, however, Helene has to accept that the only thing that really lifts poor Catherine's spirits is good old fashioned murderizing, so she lures a few victims out to the chateau as a gift.

Catherine gradually overcomes the grogginess of having been dead for two years, but that doesn't seem to help her mood in any way. See, even she starts to feel a little bad about the killing taking place, and indicates to Helene that maybe it would be better if she could, like, be dead again or something. Of course, Helene is in denial about it all, and the situation kind of simmers until a couple of annoying American tourists show up and finally blow the lid off the whole deal. There's a climax scene featuring an insane amount of screaming and some hilarious plaster heads being smashed, and...uh, The End.

The Living Dead Girl wasn't quite the all-out exploitation-trash extravaganza that I had expected. I mean, sure -- there's lots (and lots) of (full-frontal) nudity, and plenty of blood splashed all over the place, but the film was actually rather engaging on a dramatic level deeper than those more base considerations. There are moral issues to consider here, people! Plus, we actually feel kind of sorry for the villain. Poor Catherine -- she can't help what she is. Is it SHE that is the monster...or US???

Well, SHE is, of course; but I still felt bad for her. What with those sad puppy dog eyes and longing stares into the distance...someone should have hooked the gal up with some Prozac or something.

(Side effects may include irritable bowel syndrome.)

As noted, there is a lot of very, VERY loud screaming in The Living Dead Girl. I mean seriously -- these death scenes are milked for all they're worth, and I had to turn down the volume a few times to escape the ridiculously long moans of agony coming from each of Catherine's victims. Look, I know that screaming is a staple of ALL horror movies, but it's taken to absurd lengths with this one. Also, the special effects are gloriously bad. There's nothing like seeing a rubber mask covered with ketchup melt and explode while a dude shrieks incessantly for 15 minutes!

The Living Dead Girl is a film that most horror fans should check out. It's campy, gory, and a fair amount of fun. This ain't Night of the Living Dead, but I can see why folks like Rob Zombie remember it so fondly. Give it a rental if you're into this sort of thing.

3 out of 5.

b.