Christina Hendricks

I think I'm turning into a big fan of actress Christina Hendricks....
You've heard of her, right? She's on the critically-acclaimed AMC television series, Mad Men. It's an absolutely brilliant program, and Christina Hendricks, as Joan Holloway Harris, is outstanding. A remarkable talent if I ever did see one. Yes, she certainly does have enormous...talent.


I mean, she's just fantastic. An incredibly gifted actress deserving of total success. Such charisma! Such grace! Such huge, huge...talent!


I'm so glad that Christina is on Mad Men, which is a very highly-regarded program. It's the perfect showcase for her (once again) bountiful talent. As a made-for-cable dramatic series, Mad Men ranks right up there with such greats as The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, and...uh, The Sopranos on the Top Ten lists of TV critics everywhere. In fact, it recently won several Emmy awards, and I say HUZZAH!

Let's take another look at that dress Christina wore to the ceremony.


Wow. Now, THAT'S a lady right there. She's so well-endowed with style!

Men across the United States are suddenly in love with Christina Hendricks, and I think I know why. You see, she's simply a very, very interesting person. Not only is Christina on the best TV series EVER, but she's also got a fascinating personal story. Raised in the great state of Idaho, Christina started out acting in school plays as a young lass, later joining a community theater group. She moved to Hollywood in her early 20s, where she struggled for years in bit television parts. In the late 90s, Christina even appeared in a music video for the rock group Everclear. Isn't that amazing?


Eventually, Christina landed her part on Mad Men, and became an icon and role model for an entire generation. Now that's just an incredible story. It's clear that Christina's background is the reason why men everywhere are drawn to her. I mean, Idaho? SCHOOL PLAYS?? HOLLYWOOD??? Wow! Christina sure has overcome great adversity in her life, hasn't she? Yet, despite it all, this inspiring woman has risen to the top through sheer determination, charm, and massive, mind-blowing, almost-obscene...talent.


Christina isn't even usually my type, either. I've mentioned before that my favorite actresses tend to be of the Milla Jovovich, Kristin Bell, and Natalie Portman varieties. You know -- ladies who aren't very much like Christina Hendricks at all (I'm talking about their PERSONALITIES here). If they're the kinds of females I generally prefer, then why can't I stop staring at Christina?

I think it's because I just have this feeling that Christina's talent is REAL. You know what I'm sayin'? That is, usually, an actress with her...qualities...is fake in some way (I'm referring to their hair color, of course). Not this one, though. Christina Hendricks is the genuine article. I'll bet they're totally real. -- Her charm and grace, I mean.


To tell you the truth, though, I have never actually seen Mad Men. Frankly, I just haven't bothered to check it out. Plus, I don't have cable.

BUT, I assure you that the show is excellent. Brilliantly-written, funny, sexy, and deeply engaging, I urge everyone to tune into Mad Men at its regularly-scheduled time each week (whenever that is). We must support Christina Hendricks and her epic, downright gargantuan...talents so that she'll have a reason to continue attending awards shows.


Now here's a movie about a bunch of people who are sort of the opposite of Christina Hendricks.

Attack of the Puppet People (1958)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051381/


Netflix description:
Deranged puppet maker Franz (John Hoyt) is terrified of being abandoned, so he invents a machine to shrink humans down to doll size. By kidnapping people and turning the machine on them, he soon gathers a troupe of shrunken prisoners to keep him company. But when he shrinks his lovely secretary (June Kenney) and her fiancé (John Agar), they're determined to find a way to stop the crazy puppeteer.

Attack of the Puppet People is a drive-in horror flick from the late 50s about a doll-maker-turned-mad-scientist who builds a shrink ray. It's the kind of movie that the gang from Mystery Science Theater 3000 would have loved. In fact, this baby happens to be directed by none other than THE Bert I. Gordon, whose films did appear on MST3K a number of times.

Attack of the Puppet People is about a lovely young lady named Sally Reynolds who gets a job as a secretary for a doll maker named Mr. Franz. Sally barely understands office work, she blows her interview, and she even tries to turn down the job when Mr. Franz makes her an offer. STILL, he insists that she come and work for his company. That probably should have sent her a warning signal right there. I mean, why does this creepy old man want her around so badly?

Well, it doesn't take long for Sally to get suspicious of her boss. She notices that people with connections to him, in one way or another, have been disappearing for months. When her own fiance goes missing, she confronts the old man, and ZAP -- he unleashes his secret shrink ray on her.

Sally wakes up to learn that she's been reduced to a tiny fraction of her previous size, along with all of the other people to have disappeared lately. It seems Mr. Franz has developed a way of shrinking just about anything (or anyone) down to doll proportions. I guess he just does it to anybody he likes -- you know, as a way of saying, I love you. Sally, her fiance, and a bunch of other missing people can now do nothing but stand there on a workbench, waiting for Franz to give them some clothes (if his machine can shrink anything, why doesn't it shrink their friggin' clothing, too???), and begging for mercy.


Poor Franz. He just doesn't want to be lonely. As we learn, his wife ran off with another man some years ago, so now he kinda has a slight separation complex. When he suspects a person in his life of getting ready to disappear, Franz simply turns them into a doll and stores them in a glass tube that makes them sleep. The only time his "puppet people" get to come out is when he feels like it. In those cases, he'll wake them up, maybe give them a little cheesecake, and order them to dance and sing for his amusement. If they resist, it's right back into the sleeping tubes they go. Franz doesn't like to mess around.

Sally and her fiance finally convince the other puppet people to revolt. WILL they manage to escape from the evil Mr. Franz? CAN they figure out a way to return to their normal size?? WHY is someone as brilliant as Franz wasting his time in a stupid doll factory???


Attack of the Puppet People wasn't as hilarious as I'd expected. See, I caught a few clips of the film on some James Rolfe video recently, and thought, "This is going to be awesome!" Sadly, it wasn't. I mean, given the silly premise of this picture, the only way it could have been a winner would have been through being really, really crappy. You know -- if the special effects had been truly terrible; if the acting had been laughably lousy; if the dialogue had been Ed Wood campy, then MAYBE we'd have something worthy of deep chuckles here. A production like Attack of the Puppet People needs to be MST3K bad in order to be interesting in 2010. Surprisingly, it doesn't meet that low standard.

Nope, Attack of the Puppet People is strictly middle of the road. Bert I. Gordon used some restraint with this one, confining his sci-fi creations to scenes that actually look fairly decent. Sure, the visual effects are hardly Avatar-level, but they're still not absurdly bad. Our shrunken heroes, for the most part, just stand on a workbench -- we don't get to see them, say, battling giant bugs or climbing all over the body of Mr. Franz as part of an adorable coordinated assault. In fact, the whole "Attack" part of the film's title is somewhat misleading. This picture should have been called "Escape of the Doll People."

Eventually, our heroes DO escape and must run across a couple city blocks, encountering dangers like huge rats, cars, and dogs...but the scenes lack energy. They're not as crappy as they should have been...and overall, the film, in general, sort of feels that way. I wanted an over-the-top, excessively-ambitious, campfest; not a fairly well-measured, half-serious attempt at telling the story of six people shrunken to doll size for the amusement of a crazy scientist! This movie just doesn't hit the target for which it should have been aiming.

Of course, Attack of the Puppet People may be worth checking out at least once, if you're the curious sort who enjoys this stuff, anyway. Heck, you may even be surprised at the film's slightly above-average quality, and compelling backstory. I guess Bert I. Gordon had begun to master the art of cheesy drive-in cinema by the time he got around to this project, and missed his chance to leave behind a film that would have kept 2010 audiences laughing. Instead, the jerk insisted on being sorta GOOD. Can I blame him? Well, no; but I still can't recommend this movie. Attack of the Puppet People was really just a bland let-down.

2 out of 5.

b.