I Guess It's, Like, Christmas, Or Something

Yeah, it's Christmas...but you know what?
I frankly don't feel like doing a Christmas-related post. It's too much hassle, and I'm not very inspired at the moment, anyway. That's right -- I don't WANT to write about Christmas. It's stupid and I hate it. BAH HUMBUG!!!


No sir, what I've got on my mind today is something far more important than some crummy holiday: I'm thinking about Julian Assange, the Wikileaks guy.

We're all familiar with Julian, right? He's the criminal mastermind who has somehow managed to collect thousands of secret United States government documents and put them on the internet. The entire world seems to be on its knees before him, in fear of what damaging information he'll publish next. There is simply no stopping Julian Assange. He can't be reasoned with, bought, or intimidated. Not to mention, the man is backed up by an army of virtual terrorists, ready and willing to sacrifice their own safety for the sake of protecting their master. Cross Julian's path, and he will destroy you.

He rules!


Now, let's make one thing clear: I am NOT happy that Assange has embarrassed the United States government by dumping its dirty laundry all over the web. In fact, I think his actions are totally irresponsible and destructive. If forced to make a judgment call, I say Julian Assange is a dangerous criminal who is motivated by nothing more than hatred. There's no real reason why secret diplomatic cables should be published like this, and Assange's leaking of those war secrets has probably led to dozens of threatening situations. The man is a menace to the world.

STILL...

I like him.


It's hard to explain why. I mean, besides the obvious fact that Assange just plain looks cool, he doesn't have many qualities that I normally admire in a person. Watching interviews with the man, I can tell that he takes himself far too seriously, and has a downright creepy personality. Not the sort of cat I'd want to hang around with at all.


So, why do I like him then?

Basically, I like Julian Assange because he has demonstrated to me (and the world) that the US government is not really as powerful or shady as had once been assumed. I mean, consider the fact that Assange is even still ALIVE. That right there is pretty darn telling, if you ask me. Assange has completely thumbed his nose at everything that was supposedly sinister about Washington, and yet there he is, living it up in an English mansion without a hair on his head having been harmed. He should have been found dead of an apparent "suicide" by now. Hasn't happened.

Heck, the only way the authorities could even arrest Assange was to trump up questionable sex charges in Sweden. They couldn't even nab him for the intelligence leaks! Ah-ha ha ha HAAAA!!!!


Everything I believed about messing with the government is being turned upside down because of Julian Assange. He's proving all the sons of guns to be nothing but empty threats and posturing. This guy is alive and feeling better than well while pundits, politicians, and police angrily shake their fists in the air. They're totally unable to do anything about this evil genius. That's hilarious!

So, I guess that maybe I do have reason to feel Christmas cheer. Because of Julian Assange, I now know that it is entirely possible for a real-life James Bond villain to outwit and evade such shady organizations as the United Nations, Interpol, and the CIA. As long as this sucker is still alive, I can sleep well in the understanding that the one world government ain't so powerful, after all.

THANK YOU, Julian Assange, for being such a smug jerk. Now don't go and do anything stupid, like getting yourself killed.


And here's a film that delves into exactly the kind of conspiracy that SHOULD have brought down Julian Assange by now.

Edge of Darkness (2010)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1226273/


Netflix description:
As a seasoned homicide detective, Thomas Craven (Mel Gibson) has seen the bleakest side of humanity. But nothing prepares him for the toughest investigation of his life: the search for his only daughter Emma's (Bojana Novakovic) killer. Now, he is on a personal mission to uncover the disturbing secrets surrounding her murder, including corporate corruption, government collusion and Emma's own mysterious life.


Edge of Darkness stars Mel Gibson as a guy named Thomas whose college-age daughter gets murderized right in front of him. He then makes a mission of avenging her death.

See, it turns out that the daughter -- whose name was Emma -- worked in some entry level position with a military contractor. She figured out that the company was doing dangerous and illegal nuclear research and tried to blow the whistle, so...POP POP POP -- in her chest go several bullets.

Since Daddy is a police detective, he knows a thing or two about unraveling such situations. Thomas puts his own safety on the line as he delves deeper and deeper into a group of corrupt businessmen and politicians who orchestrated and covered up poor Emma's death. But does Thomas care that, he too, will probably suffer the same fate as his daughter if he goes too far? HECK no -- Tom is out for vengeance, man. He's a loose cannon!


As far as thrillers go, Edge of Darkness falls a bit flat. I mean, sure -- it looks good, and Mel Gibson (as always) gives a fine, psychotic performance; but there's really little to the plot here that engages us. The whole evil company doing illegal nuclear research thing is hardly original, and I never felt as though there were any big story reveals. This movie is a mystery with no mystery.

My favorite thing about it is probably a sleazy English hitman who both helps, and taunts, Thomas (you just gotta love murderous British people). Oh, and I also thought that violence was well-handled in Edge of Darkness. The scene early on in which Tom's daughter gets capped is beautifully choreographed, and the film's best moments seem to be when our hero is gunning down or beating the crap out of wiseguys. It's all nicely done.

Other than that, I'm sorry to say that Edge of Darkness is just sort of bland. It's not the adrenaline-pumping, no-holds-barred descent into madness that I'd been hoping for, and it's certainly not going to revive Mel Gibson's career. If you're looking for a film to just sort of passively whittle away a few hours of your afternoon, then Edge of Darkness is a dependable choice. If you're looking for something with substance and genuine thrills, though, you can pass this bad boy up.

Meh.

3 out of 5.

b.