It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like X-Mas

I know it's Christmas when Little Debbie rolls out its seasonal snacks....
I've written about them before, but thought I'd take this post to delve a little more deeply into the fine snack maker's Yuletide arsenal.


Yes, this week I splurged, and picked up almost every Little Debbie Christmas (er, "Holiday") snack cake at my local grocer. Hey -- there's nothing like mass-produced, cream-filled pastries to ring in this most holy of seasons, right?

Now let's take a look at my current collection.

--SNACK ONE: CHERRY CORDIALS.


This is an excellent, season-specific snack cake from the fine folks at Little Debbie that I heartily recommend. You won't find find many items quite like these cherry cordials outside of the cheap cake aisle. I await their arrival at my local store each year with the enthusiasm of a seven year-old on Christmas morning. Get out of my way when I'm walking towards the check-out counter with an armload of these suckers!

--FLAVOR:
Chemical cherry-type taste, mixed with flimsy, flaky "chocolate."

--TEXTURE:
Spongy and, again, flaky -- sort of like a Moonpie.

--USEFUL FOR:
Surviving long nights stranded in your car after crashing into a snowbank in the middle of nowhere. At roughly 150 calories apiece, you can indulge in an entire box of these bad boys over the course of a frostbitten evening and NOT need new pants afterward. I keep them in my vehicle at all times.

OVERALL RATING:
4 out of 5.

--SNACK TWO: CHRISTMAS SPICE COOKIE WREATHS.


A fine, middle-of-the-road cookie sort of affair, these heavily frosted treats are slightly spicy, and very gooey. They're basically shortbread with lots of sprinkles...but better than your average cookie because they're shaped like wreaths.

And we all like wreaths, don't we?

--FLAVOR:
Like Lorna Doone cookies spiked with nutmeg and rum. The frosting, curiously, doesn't seem to have a definite taste.

--VISCOSITY:
Thanks to the frosting, these cookies slide down your throat like oysters. This is a good thing, since the overall dry nature of the shortbread hidden underneath could very well choke the average person.

--USEFUL FOR:
At work when you're desperate for a low-commitment snack to take the edge off until lunch. I like them just about any time...in an uninspired sort of way.

--OVERALL RATING:
3 out of 5.

--SNACK THREE: CHRISTMAS GINGERBREAD MEN.


Yup, these are chewy gingerbread men. Do you feel bad biting their heads off? I know I don't.

--FLAVOR:
These charming fellas taste like gingerbread men made with Nutrasweet. That's odd, considering that there really isn't, in fact, any Nutrasweet used in them. The frosting and sprinkles seem to have no effect on the overall flavor.

--BUOYANCY:
They float...for a few seconds...and then drown horrifically. Don't ask me how I know this.

--USEFUL FOR:
Ridding yourself of pent up aggression; fleeting, middle-of-the-road, nourishment.

--OVERALL RATING:
3 out of 5.

--SNACK FOUR: CHRISTMAS TREE BROWNIES:


These are normal brownies, but way better because they're shaped like Christmas trees and have green frosting. They're chewy and highly chocolaty. What can I tell you? As the kids would say, these mofos are "da bomb."

--FLAVOR:
Again, quite chocolaty.

--Likability:
Very high. How could anyone argue with brownies? One simply can't go wrong with these Little Debbie's Christmas Tree Brownies!

--OVERALL SCORE:
5 out of 5.

So, there you have it -- a rundown of some Little Debbie Christmas treats. I declare all of them to be the Snack of the Month!


And speaking of wholesome eats, here's a classic film about fresh produce run amok. Watch out -- these bad boys are NUTRITIOUS, too!

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080391/


Netflix description:
From the moment it begins, this kitschy horror movie delivers on the promise of its title and boasts the makings of a cult hit filled to the brim with camp -- which it has become even with its decidedly low budget. Director John De Bello manages to squeeze out the laughs from a highly improbable premise: Tomatoes become public enemy no. 1 when they turn murderous. It's up to Mason Dixon (David Miller) and his special team to stomp them out for good.

I've been meaning to see Attack of the Killer Tomatoes for about 20 years now, but for some reason never got around to it. SO...was this cult classic worth the wait?

Well, I'll be honest: not really. In fact, it was kind of a disappointment. And YES, I get the joke.

I mean, sure -- Attack of the Killer Tomatoes has a kind of Zucker Brothers, wild 1970s satire-comedy deal going on for it. It's over the top and zany...but in the end, the film itself falls a bit flat. I wanted more from this motion picture.

It's about a bunch of government defense brass trying to figure out a way to fend off a mass attack by tomatoes that have suddenly become self-aware and decided to retaliate against centuries of human oppression. There are some pretty decent slapstick moments as our heroes debate ways of defeating the marauding produce; but in the end, this just isn't all that great of a film in its own right. I mean, satire horror pictures can only really work when they don't ABSOLUTELY rely on the comedy. Take Shaun of the Dead, for instance. Had that movie NOT been a quality film even without its array of jokes, could we still call it good?

I say NO -- Shaun of the Dead worked because it was both funny for its time, AND a generally well-made (and even occasionally scary) zombie flick. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes can't quite say something similar for itself. It could only have been great around the time of its release, when the jokes weren't outdated. In the end, I expected a great deal more from this movie than an amusing premise and a few sketch comedy-feeling moments.

(Am I the only one who remembers this cartoon series?)

The whole deal starts to drag around the halfway mark, and I wondered if any genuinely likable characters might be established. Did it scare me? Of course not. Did it make me laugh? Well, a LITTLE bit...but not enough.

Roughly three decades from its release, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes has little going for it other than a clever idea (spoofing crappy sci-fi-horror-mutant flicks of eras gone by) and a handful of goofy, Airplane-like gags. It just doesn't hold up. I give it points for doing something that, in general, I consider necessary...but STILL....

Sorry. I just couldn't dig it.

2 out of 5.

b.